Saturday, July 29, 2006

Its amazing how women truly make the world go gaga.

Even more so when one single woman can cause the entire security company I'm working in go entirely full-force just to catch a glimpse of her. A piroutte of her miniskirt, and several MPs were left breathless from saccharine overflow, a single smile from her, and many regulars even forget the basic rules they strictly impose upon us NSFs.

Wow.

How impressive that she can muster up the entire sleeping force of resting MPs from their slumber just through her presence at our MP counter. Even more so, when a bounce here, a hop there, and she mesmerizes even staff sergeants into being her seduced pets who push her trolleys all around the place when she has 2 able-bodied, fully limbed, and definitely younger male colleagues in tow.

What an amusing spectacle we make for all to see. she really is pretty! :p

a new horizon 6:16 pm

Friday, July 14, 2006

it was fun last night :)

though throughout the pink haze of laughter and joy, the problem still wasn't really solved. Nonetheless, I'm grateful for the people who went to the outing yesterday for making it so enjoyable for me, for actually enjoying a class outing for very much the first time ever since it all happened. Anyways, after the outing, I did send her the birthday message, albeit somewhat like extending an olive branch of friendship although to put it that way seems too inappropriate a term. Nonetheless, its still silence on that part..and as similar to what happened last time, this' the final straw..i guess i won't be doing anything to retrieve so shattered a friendship anymore. guess i should have listened to everyone who's been kind enough to dispense with their advice. "You don't need to be friends with everybody." "If she doesn't bother, why should you?" "Its not so important...go make more friends!"

I guess I'm finally seeing the seed of truth behind all these comments. Just so happens that I wanted to try it out myself, before determining the outcome. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained...at least I now know how to conduct myself with albeit more dignity the very next time round..

But still, such matters shouldn't shroud the fact that yesterday night was fun, amidst seeing everybody all over again. :)

disclaimer: I didn't enjoy losing though.

a new horizon 3:25 pm

Thursday, July 13, 2006

without a clue, here i blunder through..

a new horizon 9:38 am

Sunday, July 09, 2006

what made me readily agree, i have no idea. perhaps a hidden urge to see this person after hiding for so long? I don't know. or as i proclaimed, the urge to get this dumb affair over and done with. it'll come sooner, or later. might as well finish it now. but will it? i don't know, now that i've replied, i suddenly find myself in the same dilemma all over again. how would i respond? in a way so cheerful that its evident i'm still afflicted by the malady? or just chilly acknowledgement and a terse greeting? ohh...crapcrapcrap this is getting so out of hand. thought i was way out of this stupid predicament, but it seems that i'm still held hostage by it. should i get her a present? it'd be odd, don't you think? possibly when everyone else wouldn't *i think* be arriving with one, it'll compound the already annihilated relation between us to ruins. come to think of it..its not even her fault that i'm like this. its wholly mine. its cause of my indecisive nature that i can't determine how i should treat her, and its simply due to my paranoid character to be afraid of every rejection of an acknowledgement.

damn..i really hate this weakness.



okayokay, lets get objective:

Q) what do i want to achieve going there
A) in actual fact, all i want to do is go there, and talk to her. not as someone who's still after her heart, no, the days are over. I just want to get back to a relation where its not frosty between us, where i can live on knowing that someone in this world doesn't hate me. it may not be possible, but thats what i only hope to achieve. i only wish to make small talk to her, and get the heck outta the way for her to enjoy her life. i just want us to see each other as normal friends, not some dysfunctional ex to each other. i want to get on with life as much as she wants to, and i guess this is the only demon that's holding me back. my demon, the one that keeps on urging me to make amends, to be friends with her again.

okay, one problem solved.

Q) how you're gonna do it
A) ...as i was wondering just now, 2 ways of going there. go there, act uninterested, give her a chilly wish of happy birthday, ride into the sunset. or do i go up to her, engage in small talk while surrounded by all her good buddies, appearing to look goofily cheerful while hiding the rift between us.

1- this' not gonna work. it totally defeats the purpose of going. okay, i know its supposed to be a class gathering, but forgive me, i've got a mission tt day that i absolutely have to accomplish, so that i can ORD and go uni in peace :p
2- what if she just goes on to ignore me? or give really chilly responses in return? i haven't been speaking or messaging her for...perhaps half a year? maybe this absence could erase all the bad mem'ries..or would it? what am i risking?
3- secretly pass her a letter? nuts. what will i write anyway? how ironical. i just want to make everything smooth and normal like before, but by doing this its almost as if i'm treating this is some real big issue, something that i ahve to discuss with her in private through the intricacies of the written word. will this be too dramatic? too over-formal?
4-unceremoniously don't turn up. its my demon, so i'll live with it. maybe time will let it disappear..and so it won't affect any other person. one guy down is better than the whole team.

problems potentially encountered
1)frosty, chilly, one-worder replies
2)forever busy, can't get to talk to her in private

Okay, 2) is somewhat a problem that might not be one. would i need privacy to talk to her in? would that be overly formal, as if i'm somebody important to her when all i want is just a normal time? what would i say to her anyways? "happy birthday, how are you?" that'll lead to the inevitable. but hey, actually i don't mind speaking about our lives. i'm happy now, and definitely she deserves to be happy. I'd be happy to know she's happy, from her very own mouth :) but would that cause her friends to abandon her until we're alone and awkward again? the worries of mr. wishywashy.

1) well, actually theres no solution to this problem. when encountered, its best that i retreat to the safety of the guys' area, and perhaps do a winger with QZ after a slight while. the best thing i could do is keep a straight face then, and hope like mad that mr.demon won't start raining hell on me right there and then. i don't think i can sustain emotional blows again :p

even if it were a sunday, would it warrant me taking leave on that day? luckily thursday's a dismount day. i can have some time to myself outside before this event. perhaps some time to hang out with the other fellas whom i've missed for quite a long time. or perhaps some time to wander around in town alone, perhaps some time to tire myself out at the gym. hopefully it'll happen on a thursday.

bleah. one week to think it all.

a new horizon 8:53 pm

its' such a joke bordering on the melodramatic histrionics. to think that i spent the whole of yesterday in thought, in deep consideration of the previous entry: was it a sign of hostility? would it set a precursor, a standard battle that I'll have to fight every year?

all the way until 11pm, when i realized i got the date wrong.

how laughable, how ridiculously unbelievable.

disregard the fact that i heaved a metaphorical sigh of relief in my sleep..apparently i'll fight the same old battle, to refrain from the phone on the very next mounting. nonetheless..i'll be more prepared this time..

but will i send my wishes, or will i abstain and let it all slide into the dark fathoms of history..

a new horizon 10:18 am

Friday, July 07, 2006

Tomorrow's mounting day. Yet, tomorrow's going to be a significant day. Significant not because its important to me since long ago, but because I'm going to do nothing about it. The significance of nothing, on such a day would only allow a step into repairing a ravaged friendship.

Nothing, by doing nothing, can i signify to the other party that its not about love anymore. Messaging her doesn't need an excuse of a day of significance. But then again, I don't think that would even come to fruition. Tomorrow will be uneventful, peaceful, monotonous.

Just the way I'll want it.

Happy Birthday, Yuwei :)

a new horizon 6:54 pm

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Something will be up these few days..

oh, and so happens I saw another HC senior working in MINDEF today. Think she's from S2, if i'm not wrong. Oh well, its good to have somebody else other than men in green to talk cock to :p

a new horizon 1:17 pm

Saturday, July 01, 2006

It was a day of socializing rather than stoning in front of the computer, a day when friendships are renewed and old bonds are reforged. I'm so much happier than I would have been grinding levels on my WoW Rogue...:)

After reaching home from a distasteful dismount, with idiotic Vernon making a big fuss out of a personal vendetta with one of my dearest sectionmates. Had a quick nap of an hour before dressing up to go out. Went on a long-forgotten train ride to Eunos, to LJ's house for a long-delayed round of mahjong. Started pretty well, but ended up on the losing side. Nonetheless, it was really fun meeting up with Ben, LJ n' Hh. Amidst all the teasing here and there, it almost seemed as if time hasn't passed at all these 2 years..

After 5, I headed down to East Coast Park for a section outing, a treat by my section commander who just got promoted. Heheh..actually its more of a zha-ing session by the rest of the section, so I guess I just joined in the fun for free food. A lot of the old birds turned up, especially those who had left us for society's embrace already. Perhaps its due time that I've written abit on them, after all, they were the colourful characters who've made my past year in Gombak..interesting.

Ben Cho: My wonderful Jap teacher who never ends to amuse me with his antics amidst his boredom. Now he's gone on to earn big bucks in sales and MLM, with efforts in 4 months earning enough to pay for his uni tuition fees..wish I could be of that calibre. One of the original members of Section2, my first senior to leave the section too. He's the one and only person I've ever seen who's done a straight 12hr gate post for his ORD last mount.

Martin Lim: I'd reserved my judgements on him from a previous post. Although sometimes appearing rather callow, at times he can really be a nice guy to chat to..in fact he's protected me for many, numerous situations. I'm pretty sure he could have killed me by removing my privileges as a dog-handler, but he didn't, and I respect that. Well, at least when he deals with us, he doesn't go around with the airs of a superior, but as a friend and a buddy to us. Funny that i'll say this, but I'm going to miss him when he goes off to Australia. Pity it came at such a short notice, but I do hope he'll succeed at his endeavours there..after all, he did show that he has the capabilities of excelling when he wants to..he's one of the few people who can study in camp while doing a mounting duty!

Alvin Chua: Hahaa..what can I say about this unique section2 powerhouse..he's nearly the voice of the section, speaking up for us whenever things go wrong. A big brother who speaks his mind, really, I hold him in respect for the way he does his work, and the candor he handles people, regardless of whether they're his commanders or his juniors. Sure, he does all the zha-ing, but sometimes he's really funny. Especially when he goes about his mantra of betting. In my opinion, he's really one of the core trio who make up our section's unique standing..I wonder how we'll all be when he's gone, with nobody else of his repute to handle the regulars' nonsence. (after all, nobody dares to touch him)

Michael Lim: At first he was one of the quieter people when I entered the section. I remember that I was quite afraid of doing detail with him, cause he would just clam up and read his car books. Yep, he's the Car personified. Everything about him's about the beauty of cars, and throughout the past few months, some of the fervor's rubbed in on me. He's the one who can drive with the left leg on the brake, and the right on the accelerator. He's good at driving, I give you that, but he's quite the daredevil on the road. From the time when we couldn't even chat on a similar topic, to now when we randomly poke fun at each other, its really nice to know that we've broken down a cold barrier between us to emerge rather good friends at both chao-kenging MCs and medical appointments. Yep, I was quite sad to see him go too, but he's another one gone off to Australia to study. Another one of the trio, or maybe quadruplets. After all, these 3 or 4 are the life and blood of the section..can't imagine how we'll be like without them. Really hope these guys will come back successful, and that perhaps one day, we can meet up again ;)

ChinYong: Ahh...how can I forget my funny dog-handler senior! He's forever smiling, happy and gleeful for no particular reason. There's always something to talk about with him, although I admit, when I first got in to the section, I could hardly understand him and Martin cause of their slurred speech and their highly abrupt speed of chatter. Nonetheless, the months we spent together chatting at the gate or beo-ing pretty girls at main entrance attuned my ears to him. Heheh..yep, he's one of the Bukit Batok Gang, him, Alvin, me and my jnr Kelvin. Life would be so much more different without these 2 accompanying me back home nearly everyday. Oh, before I forgot, he also bought a silver-bluish Lancer recently, and tonight, I had the luck to be driven back home from ECP by him..his car's a really cool ride, too! I won't forget tonight when we spent the last reserves of *ahem*'s money on bowling, where both of us were fighting the dogbattle of beating each other from the last place on the charts. Heheh..

Timothy: Ahh...maestro of the clubs. He works girls like putty. What can I say? I wish I could have been more stylish? Nah..He's just smooth, good with his words and definitely coolness personified. He reeks of style, and he successfully gets on people's nerves when he really wants to. But hey, that's part of his way of getting along with people, and somehow, erratically, it works with me. Heheh, I just can't believe how many girls he has actually gotten together with during his forays into clubs at night..but I just wish he'd settle down with a girl he likes and stop victimizing the rest of the populace!*the rest of us need to hunt, too!*

Sigh..I'll really miss these guys, especially when they make their final farewell next week. Life at camp wouldn't be the same without them, and now its up to us to decide the fate of the future section. Sounds corny, I know, but no matter however tough doing detail was, it was really a wonderfully good time spent with these colourful characters coming from all walks of life. They'd opened my eyes to the real world out there, tough and mean on the streets. They'd let me come to terms with the ugly facts of life, and more or less, stuffed those very facts down my throat. So now I emerge a little more street-smart, a little more ruffled, a little more disillusioned, but nonetheless, a whole lot more knowledgeable than I ever was living in that bubble of JC-ness that I was encased in long before enlistment. Its a pity that none of us brought a camera tonight, for it could very well mark the last time we see each other for a very long time, perhaps forever, with many of them pursuing their studies overseas. Nonetheless, even though none of them might ever stumble upon this very post, I just wish them all the best, and ironically, I'd remember them fondly as part of my eventful NS life.

a new horizon 11:45 pm