Sunday, November 27, 2005

i'm not mature enough.

why do i do senseless things like look for you online?
why must i stumble upon pictures?
why do i feel that heart-tug all over again when I see you with others?
why do i start growling like a rabid dog to myself, when I see an innocent photo of you and your friend?

i can't be your friend like this. its starting all over again. the animal fear of losing your precious. raw, unbrindled, instincts.

i really, truly want to leave this world and go somewhere far, far away, devoid of emotion and feelings and hurt.

a new horizon 9:58 pm

The time's arriving, time's running short.

I'm still working on it, compiling the things that are special. Running across hidden memories in the world that still tie me to you. I really hope you'll accept it, further more, forgive me for all the wrongs I've done. I just wish to talk to you..to tell you all that's been in my mind ever since July 12th this year..the things that I've not dared to speak to you about, the feelings I harbour even now. I don't want to lose the opportunity to..I don't want to regret not doing so later on in life..

I just want you to know.

a new horizon 6:48 pm

Friday, November 25, 2005

One week more to go.

I guess I really can't help it. The first few days of the course, I was too lovey-dovey to my dog, showering it with care and concern at every turn, giving him a pat and massage whenever I'm free. Now its became so wild, its practically climbing all over my head.

I return home today with 2 dog bites, each one given within a short span of 24hours. The bloody mad dog is supposedly.."Kennel-proud", and hates it when I step in to its kennel to release its leash. What else can I do? Every other course dog is perfectly sane and doesn't go crazy when you stand outside its cage. Why does mine have to be the one and only dog with the greatest attitude problem?

So within these last days of the week, I've turned into a great monster. I whip my damned dog whenever it refuses to listen to orders. I really can't be bothered. I'm freaking pissed too. I can't bring myself to kneel down and sayang it like last time..not after two bites to my right arm, which looks quite mangled now. I shout and grunt to the dog, rather than whisper my commands, and it does help. It almost seems scared of me now, especially today, when I whipped it hard in its very own kennel, making it sit on command at the back while I return out. No dog will ever listen to commands in its kennel. Heh.

Now going on to other matters.

Basically the course has been pretty slack..I get to visit the canteen everyday..and end up growing love handles all over again. Argh..all the hard work at Gombak gym wasted..the emerging abs are once again unified to the great glob that's been with me since early youth. Sigh. Anyways, on one of the night-outs we've had, I went shopping with my bud Jianghao at Lot1..got myself things which I needed for making Yuwei's xmas present. I'm in the process of writing her a letter now..but still...the news I hear about her don't seem promising to me, but I'm just glad she's happy, honestly. I guess what I always told her was true..that guys would flock to her in uni.

Meh.

Visited the library after that..JiangHao got a book on dog-handling, while I borrowed some books on anger management and emotion management. Would probably help alot, I guess. Nonetheless, the mission statement I've pinned up is still unfulfiled, guess I would probably get my driving license first on the agenda.

Returning tomorrow morning to clean out Rocky's kennel, and probably whip it if it gives me a shitty attitude again.

a new horizon 7:32 pm

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

First day at dogcourse, and I already feel like opting out.

Its been great, going back to SAFPU to see old friends. But somehow, the course holds nothing for me; I feel no enthutiasm towards the course, only for the end of it. Regardless of how much I cuddled my dog Rocky, and vice versa, I couldn't get myself to open up and like animals like before. I really wonder why..is it true that I've changed so much?

i'm going back to think it out.

a new horizon 8:50 pm

Monday, November 21, 2005

I just woke up from a wonderful, wonderful dream..one that I was so tempted to stay in forever, one which I refused to wake up from. It was us back at the supermarket, shopping together as friends..but yet as we continued, we became closer again..it seemed so true..its really so nice to see you smiling back at me again, holding my hand once more, to have you lying on my shoulders just one more time..

no wonder its just a dream. i guess this half a year did nothing to help numb how i feel about you..is it sheer stupidity to hold on, or is it poetic romanticism at work? will anything bear fruit, or will it all end up in tatters again? I don't want to know the answer. I'm too afraid to find out.

I'm off to dog course tomorrow onwards. Guess you won't be hearing from me for quite some time.

a new horizon 9:59 pm

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Now that QZ has taken the first shot at narrating our wonderful cruise trip (and a hilarious account at that), I guess its time I have my say about the certain events that happened back then, why it shouldn't have happened, and why it did anyway. But one thing remains certain as our perspectives vary: this trip was probably the best I've ever had, one which I wish never ended.

To start off, yes, we really were in a state of delusion as we left our bunk. As the last hour for us to stay on the ship loomed, we were hysterically contemplating various ways of staying, such as refusing to pay our bills so as to stay on board to wash the dishes, demagnetizing our access (or Axis, as pronounced by the crewleader who's gender is indiscernable up till this point in time) cards so that we can't swipe off the ship, making a mad dash through the deck as we were about to step off the gangway, or worse, hiding in our closets and toilets until the next trip. After all, someone managed to hide an apple underneath my bed for god-knows-how-long.

But nevertheless, we were dispatched off the ship, via section movement. After our final glance at the ship that housed our laughters for these 4 days, we moved off to book out, although some habits that we've developed on the ship never left us.(like the constant eye-hunt for hot girls)

Now, maybe its time I looked back at our laughter...and laugh myself off the chair.

We first met up at the Penguin Express lane, the infamous boat service that many unfortunate males have grown to fear throughout their teenage-adolescent years. QZ arrived with me on my dad's car, so we were probably the first to arrive. As we debus-ed the car, I couldn't help voicing out my concerns of a topic that relates close to all our hearts: there would be alot of anehs on the ship, as testified by Benedict. True enough, our fears turned into immense horror as we stepped off the lift, only to witness a contingent of the above mentioned congregating just outside the lift, much to the acute amusement of my dad. I swear, there was probably a platoon of them, and who knows how many more companies of them will turn up later..

After meeting up with Ram who just finished his Tafaku at Kranji War Memorial that morning,(not to forget Tham being so happy to see Ram's family with him), we towed our luggage to Yoshinoya to enjoy a meal of exorbitantly priced Japanese food, consisting of rice, chicken, and miso soup, which we promptly regretted after passing by the Internet Cafe nearby to realize we could have quartered our costs by lunching there. Later on, we were issued our Access cards, and were ushered/pushed/shoved through the Xray machine by an irate and incredibly rude security guard, who scolded us for holding up the line. This sparked off a big debate about work ethics between me and Tham, who strongly believed that the bugger mentioned above(the guard, not me.) was pissed cause he was working for so long. Nonetheless, we made our way through the tunnel to the ship unscathed, although we ran through a gauntlet of crewmembers decked out in Hawaiian gear(plus a sad, oversized penguin) eager to take a picture with us, possibly because we were the only bunch of handsome young lads to board the ship.

Until we realized later in the day that they sold the photos they took for 10 SGD. Not only do they sell the photos, they process it into various media: keychains, laminated photos, heck, even a wooden-framed refrigerator magnet. No wonder they didn't allow us to take a group photo instead.

Nonetheless, we finally reached our bunks(or cabins, if you would object.) We held our breaths in anticipation of the elegant room with a sea view and a balcony, as we slid our charge cards into the door slot(countless times, as I recall). What awaited us, was a beautiful scene; we saw the bow of the ship, sailing past islands at our left and our right. A flag waved majestically at the tip of the ship, and birds were flying in the air. Astounded as we were, we proceeded to admire the room for its ingenious decor, expecting to feel the wind in our faces as we turned towards the window.

Alas, what smacked our faces was a mass-produced picture of a view of the sea through the artist's eyes, through a real window. In other words, we were trapped in a bunk(no, cabin) with no windows, no sunlight, and an engine and anchor room right beside us to boot. Nevertheless, we miraculously steeled our minds and shunned the everpresent feelings of claustrophobia, and started to unpack our bags. Later on, we gathered in my bunk(grr. cabin), and started to peruse the schedule, only to be eagerly excited at the first thing on the schedule: Single's Club, followed by something which Tham immediately circled on the paper: The Las Vegas Topless Revue, Fever.

Later on, we started to tour the ship's facilities, also in a bid to stem our growing fear of the lack of suitable girls. I swear, its due to the exam season that's caused our trip to have such a bad pool of cute girls. (Disclaimer: What else can 5 guys do when on a trip and feeling bored?! Besides, QZ participated in the grading process of girls too.) After a brief look around, we trudged over to the Activity room in utmost low morale, only to decide to play table tennis at the deck. With a 25 SGD deposit, came 4 bats and a pingpong ball, and a stern warning that damages to the pingpong ball would forfeit the deposit, and yet no heed was paid to damages to bats. Henceforth, started a few matches of tabletennis where we lunged at the escaping ball whenever it threatened to fly into the swimming pool below. Later, when we got bored of playing goalkeeper to a tiny red fragile ball, we switched it for a basketball, which was to be played at the court at the highest deck. Since the ship was cruising max speed, it happened to be an enriching experience of playing basketball when you must aim where you should not in order to score. Basically, the ball would fly back at your face upon being launched from your hand, no matter how hard you try to throw it into the hoop. Since it was a 2v3 match, we ended up running up and down the court like headless chickens chasing a possessed ball, only to tucker out within a short period of time. As noted by QZ, the previously unenthutiastic Ram was pacing up and down the court like a Horse, but later proceeded to sleep like a Pig on all of the nights.

After dinner, we were waiting for Fever to start at 12 midnight, so we decided on going karaoke, which was quite a hilarious and wonderful experience all the same, simply because it was done in the company of you funny people. Tham immediately started off belting out several oldies, some of which hint at a certain person regarding a certain matter(e.g Delilah). We spent half the time scanning through the incredibly user-friendly interface for our favourite songs, only to realize that those lazy buggers probably were busy taking photos of passengers, rather than categorizing their songs to their respective singers. Still, memorable songs came off, such as those that we performed on Soiree 2004 (寂莫的季节), oddly familiar love songs that I've shared with my love which I staunchly tried to hold back the tears (童话), as well as all time favourites that never ceased to entertain the 5 of us (满江红, 北京一夜!) Nearing the end of our foray into singing our lungs out, we tried to emulate 阿杜, only to realize it doesn't only require a hoarse throat to sound like him, but probably many more deleterious events to happen to your throat before you might actually succeed.

Later on, after we sadly realized that we missed out on our chance to go to the Single's Club event(due to unforseen reasons of physical activity being unforcastedly too long), we rushed down to the Lido theatre to catch Fever, when Tham needed to visit the washroom. While waiting, we were scrutinizing the troupe poster outside, both QZ and me, and to our combined horror, we realized that the women were well beyond their prime, for they had prime cuts on their gluteus maximus, thick enough to rival the next pig. As much as QZ and me tried to evade the show, we were duly reminded of the 25SGD we paid to feed the performers, and thus proceeded to the Lido in great trepidation, but only to be stopped at the entrance by the aforementioned crewleader, who's gender is still shrouded within mystery, as he thought we were a bunch of 17-year olds trying to sneak in to ogle at women. Ha. Tough luck, for we were a bunch of 19-year olds and an 18. Anyways, we went in to just catch the show starting, and promptly dozed off 5 minutes into the show. Don't ask me why either..but we ended up discussing about the moves of the male dancers rather than even bringing up about the females. Probably there's still a shred of modesty in us, I guess.

Later in the night, when Ram started his metamorphosis into a Pig, the 4 of us trooped down to the Grand Oasis, aptly named as a pool of wealth surrounded by a desert of poverty. Fighting through the great smoke barrier, we navigated ourselves to a circle of unholy construction, shaped akin to Stonehenge. Several terminals were clustered, facing an altar of monetary sacrifice in the shape of a wheel and a steel ball cast into the rolling wheel, invoking the gods of the Oasis to smite down upon those without luck, and to tempt those who possess it. As Tham settled himself down at the Blackjack table and started to lose money, I took out a brand new 50 dollar note, and numbly stared as the machine devoured my money, while QZ and Teh stood vigil at my side. Prophetically, my money dwindled the more I poked at the machine, placing bets on the table which never gave it back. That was until a miraculous moment, when divine intervention allowed me to place a 2SGD bet on the number 2, that gave me a fighting chance against the evils of the Oasis. So I fought on for hours, winning 150SGD in my first try. QZ and Teh were so impressed, they decided to try on their own, and returned to the bunk to collect some money. As for me, I tried my luck a second time, losing 100SGD before a thunderous comeback to earn a neat profit of 225SGD for the night. Unfortunately, the evil desert swallowed 50 a piece from my two dear friends, who retired the night discussing the probability of winning and the odds of their 翻本计划.

As the days went by, we became more and more haggard, ravaged by the casino, and also stunted by the lack of sleep. Only Ram managed to survive, for he had the 7 hours of sleep that SAF always emphasized on, which led us to conclude that the theory did have some worth in it. The next day, after a combined effort kicked Tham off the bed, we visited the arcade and played practically every machine in it. Ram and I were particularly fascinated with the Guitar Freaks machine, which posed a constant challenge to us trying to complete the final stage, which included the continuous spamming of the strum button while fingering buttons on the fret. Tham contented himself with kicking penalties with the computer, while QZ and Teh were racing each other at Daytona. Ultimately, the most hilarious time we had was with the DDR machine, which none of us could complete single-handedly, resulting in the 5 of us jumping like madmen on the 6 dance buttons on the floor. Astonishingly, we managed to clear the game without much embarrassment, although many parents were clutching at their sides after we finished.

Later on Monday, we disembarked at Penang, where we opted to tour around the city ourselves. In a bid to save money, we squeezed 5 grown men into a tiny taxi and drove all the way from the jetty to Gurney Plaza, which was recommended by the taxi driver. Unfortunately, it appeared to be just like Raffles Place in Singapore, and we were stupid enough not to leave the place until we emptied our pockets of all our ringgits. Later on was a drive down to Komtar, where we ate at a local eatery. As we scanned the menu for any local delights, we came to a sad conclusion that anything distinctively Penang was either similar to any Singaporean fare, or was hidden off in some forest village. Thus, we settled for plates of Char Kway Teow >.< Teh, however, tried some Penang Laksa, which tasted like an odd combination of Tomyam soup and Rojak sauce. Nonetheless, the greatest surprise we had was in our drinks: I swear there was a fossilized bug stuck on the sides of the glass bottle that was served. Teh's F&N Orange tasted...flat and old, which wasn't very healthy either.

We found a budget CD shop at the 2nd floor later on, which coincidentally, was situated right beside a Polis station. Its quite an amusing sight to see a notice jutting out stating "VIDEO GAMES!" when a blue background with a crest stating "Polis Penang" is to the right of it, really.

Honestly, looking back, the times when we had the most fun was back on the cruise itself, doing weird, funny, crazy, or particularly gay stunts on board. We decided to go check out the spa later that night, just when everyone else was at the barbeque right outside our spa pool. So the 5 of us were decked out in our sexy trunks, wallowing in the spa pool, fighting the current (or avoiding it, if we reached too close, or were forced too close the nozzle). Tham then switched pools by flipping up onto the ground and sliding along it like a oversized penguin a la sealion, which was quite a hilarious sight to beyond, considering the humongous splash that ensued. Apparently not content at being a joke, Tham proceeded to provide comic relief for the people queuing up for barbequed sausages outside the pool by performing synchronized swimming..by himself. The whole affair ended with us nearly drowning Tham in the pool, but we decided not to, just in case we had to pay the ship to get rid of the carcass anyway.

Nonetheless, the effervescent Tham brought us into a tiny Steam Room where we sat down for 10 minutes, experiencing what cods and salmons feel before their ultimate end. Apparently, the room was so heavily misted with sweat/water/unknown substance, that I couldn't see a metre away from me, which so happened was QZ, who claimed that he could only see my foot.

After that, Tham, heavily sedated with adrenaline for that night, immediately flung himself into the Japanese Plunge Bath. The cold one. We enjoyed a hilarious moment as we saw him struggling and screaming for a cool 5 seconds, as the water was not cold, but it was farking cold. As the well-informed would understand, Japanese Plunge Baths are small pools of water actually made to contain and allow only one person to relax at any one time. In a moment of great bonding and brotherhood, the 5 of us successfully squeezed ourselves into the hot plunge bath, with a bit of entanglement of limbs here and there. I swear, if I had my camera then, I would not have taken a picture.

But as fate would have it, at the particular moment as we were fitting ourselves into a massive human ball in the plunge pool, one of the unlucky visitors to the spa walked in to the particular part of the room. I distinctively remember him stopping dead in his tracks, and doing an about turn and leaving the room immediately. What a reputation we have built for ourselves on deck. It didn't actually help when I saw him staring at me during dinner time at the Mediterranean later after that.

Soon after, we hit the Galaxy of the Stars, a club with pretty cool decor and 5 Latin-Americano women dancing and singing. I drank a Long Island while cooling off with the guys, when QZ and I actually spotted a Yuwei lookalike walking in with her boyfriend. After that, I guess my mood was never the same. Pity. Tham noticed that I kept on looking in her direction, and promptly tried to snap me out of it..but I guess I really still can't forget. I still can't, I'm afraid.

Later on, since I spent quite alot of money buying clothes at Penang(after all, the casino paid for it), I decided to return to the Oasis, seeking for greater fortunes. This was not to be, for I lost 100SGD that night, 50 of which disappeared immediately in a round of roulette. QZ and Teh weren't spared either, with their plan to dump 50 bucks on a colour down the drain when they brought their total loss up to a 100 as well. Cursing, and silently swearing the Ten Plagues of Egypt down on the Oasis, we returned to our bunks to join the Pig.

The next morning, we were woken by the continuous *clink* and *clank* of a dropping anchor, which Tham intelligently hypothesized out of the moment, would definitely kill someone if dropped on his head from a height. Arising from our stupor like an undead, still plagued by the loss of yet more money from the previous night, we disembarked at approximately 10am, with the knowledge that we had to return by 4.30pm. As we stepped off the boarding ramp to Phuket, a Thai in a pink Hawaiian shirt walked up to us and offered to take us around Phuket for 800Baht for the day. As zonked as we were, we stupidly agreed, only to converse in Chinese later on the taxi on how we could escape paying for the taxi. Our first stop was to the fateful Go-Kart racetrack, with its brilliant race course of straight roads, gradual curves, and sharp turns to test even the best driver. We opted for the cheapest and slowest cart, riding at the maximum speed of 50kmph.

Maybe the thrill of driving at such high speed got to me. Or perhaps I wanted to vent my frustrations of the previous night. Or maybe it was an adrenaline rush, I don't really know, but as I zipped out on to the racecourse, I immediately donned a maniacal smile and engaged in a series of breakneck powerdrifts and suicidal spins. I swear I worn the tyres out so badly, they needed to change it immediately after I stepped out of the cart. But I guess everybody would agree with me; the highlight of the racecourse was not my fanatical driving, but more of what it caused. I thought I could be a Michael Schumacher, but I ended up not even a Peter Schmichel on a bicycle. As Tham and I raced each other side by side along a straight road, he cut into my lane and with me cruising at max speed, I couldn't get out of the way in time, thus causing my vehicle to catch on to the back of his, and to fly into the air, a la Matrix time. I remember Tham turning back and swearing at me for bucking his vehicle, but his words only caught on to my tyres as I was in midair, flailing towards the barrier of tyres. Splash, Bash, Schmash, I bashed through 2 sets of tyres to emerge on another part of the track, with brief scenes of my Daytona experience flashing through my mind. I spied another cart racing towards my direction then, and I was in the reverse direction..so I instinctively smashed through the barriers again to finally land up in mud and sai zhui.

Later on, just before we finished, there was a megasharp turn that I powerdrifted across so sharply, my phone flew out of my pocket and my back wheels promptly ran over it. Maybe I even ran one round of the racecourse before realizing it, for when I saw the phone, it was already in pieces on the racetrack. As many would know...the phone was really precious to me, especially the phone cover for its a special gift from Yuwei..probably one of the limited ones I'll ever have in my life. My face immediately dropped when I realized that not only was the cover smashed, the glass was thrown a metre apart, buttons from the keypad were strewn all over, and the back cover was nowhere to be seen. It was as if my heart was torn to shreds then..for I simply had no heart to continue enjoying myself. The rest of the day, I guess my emotions weren't as high as the previous days, simply because of this incident. Sigh. The guys did tell me that its a sign that I should let go..but heck, I see it as my negligence for not taking care of what I treasure.

Nonetheless, as we were about to leave, I realized that the car I rammed back then was severely damaged, and chalked up damage costs up to 1700Baht. Probably it didn't cost that much, but we were in no position to argue. Probably those Thai assholes are still drinking beer and toasting to my wild streak on the track now. On hindsight, I guess I nearly did kill Tham again, fulfilling the prophecy I've created unknowningly in China back in Sec4. The kart sliced through the main circuit of Tham's vehicle, narrowly missing his back, or his neck for the matter, considering the height at which my vehicle sailed through the air gracefully.

So I guess thats my entire casino winnings down the drain. And never one to pass up a challenge, as we were driven down to the shooting range(which we all agreed afterwards to be a bloody stupid idea since we were army men who get to shoot multiple bullets at nil cost all the time), we then decided to try our hand at pistol shooting, of which Ram and I were pretty well-trained in. I mean, come on, I'm even a marksman at the pistol, and I'm paying 40SGD just to shoot 10 pathetic bullets? Jeez. I guess the targetboard as a keepsake souvenir is kinda nifty...but it never lived up to the 40 SGD we shelled out each for the 5 minutes of glory, fame, and gunpowder.

Later on, we had lunch at a beachside restaurant. Not willing to pass up on any local delights, we ordered "Local vegetable delights fried with dried prawn", Pineapple rice, and Mussels cooked in Hotpot. Actually, the food wasn't pretty bad, but the experience we had there kinda ruined the entire setting. First off, the first dish was local allright, but the greens we got never lived up to the name "vegetable", for I swear the greens on the plate could have been easily salvaged off any road. In other words, the vegetables were leaves, hard, inpalatable, big pieces of leaves. Apparently everybody raised an eyebrow in doubt at the dish when it arrived; we silently prayed that it could have been a dish someone ordered to feed the cat begging for scraps at our table, but it ended up to be the pitiful excuse of a vegetable dish that we unknowingly cheated ourselves into eating. Our plate of pineapple rice was truly yummy, but yet again, the quantity was not enough, so we decided to order another plate to fill our tummies. Meanwhile, we proceeded with finishing off the mussels, by throwing them to the cat, which smartly sniffed at it and ignored it like any knowledgeable human being. At this point in time, Teh spotted the waiter holding on to a fist-sized pineapple walking towards the kitchen, which led us to joke that they just harvested the pineapple for cooking, as the service was slow, so was the food, and I had nothing to do with it.

After 30minutes of jesting, waiting, and praying for our pineapple rice to arrive, even paying the bills before its much awaited arrival, it finally did make its way to our table..housed in the very pineapple Teh spotted previously. Apparently, the trend in Thailand is for waiters to make their customers wait so that they can fully appreciate the food when it arrives, and there would be no such thing called "pre-cooking", as they have strict quality control over the food. Unfortunately, Singaporeans are not very amused with this spirit of restaurant management. I definitely wasn't.

Shopping came up last on the list before we embarked on the ship back home. Phuket is a breeding ground for those annoying bloodsuckers that bug you at every end, corner, nook, and cranny. Unfortunately, I do not speak of mosquitoes, but the many shopkeepers that do not hesitate to chop your head off while you buy their goods. In a sense of self-protection from these bloodsuckers, we elected Tham as our main spokesman in goods-dealing. To his credit, Tham did employ evil tactics to methodically rattle down the prices of the goods those pirates were selling, the most powerful time being when he cut the price of Ram's cowboy hat from 500baht to 150. Astounding.

Anyways, with the trip to Phuket over, we waited in line for our turn to board the miniship that brings us to the mothership. It was then, when we hatched the idea of filming an MTV on board on the very last day, but that didn't materialize until the very last throes of the trip. Nevertheless, later on in the night was the Gala event, as we all recognized it to be the one and only opportunity to find out if any suitable girls were on board the ship. We donned our smartest suits and coolest clothes; I opted for an all-black set of clothings, with my new black polo Von Dutch shirt, black dress pants, and black leathers. In other words, I looked like a modern 瘟神 during the event. Partially due to the lack of food during lunch, we opted to visit the all-empowering Mediterranean Buffet Restaurant before the cocktail and dinner event just to fill ourselves up slightly(the restaurant has became quite a favourite haunt for us, I realize). However, just ingesting the snacks and cakes alone has bloated us so much that we could hardly drink anything at the cocktail party, let alone anything at the BellaVista gala dinner. Before I forget to chronicle this down, there were 2 particularly hot Caucasian babes on the ship that we constantly paid attention to, and this Singaporean-looking girl that constantly paraded in front of us. She looked to be alone and very bored, as noted by Tham, but fate separated us from her even before we got to talking to her, as she made her way down to the Pavilion Restaurant, while we ate at the BellaVista, on a table that shook as if it was on an aeroplane. On the outside.

Already chock-full as we were, Tham had the fabulous idea of letting the crew know that Ram had an impending birthday coming up on the 20th, after we painstakingly finished off our desert. So the crew came trooping down the lines, singing Happy Birthday to Ram, who, sadly, never got the kiss one of the cute crewgirls promised him. I should have offered myself in his stead if he was too shy. Nonetheless, the present the crew had for him was yet another Cookies and Cream dessert, one which he couldn't finish, as the same case as any of us. A kind elderly man who celebrated his birthday then also gave us a huge piece of his cake. How nice..but the gesture was lost on us as we were struggling to finish off the small piece of dessert already. At the very end, we played 终级密码， with the forfeit being a big forkful of blackforest cake (it was really tasty if you weren't filled to the oesophagus with food, mind you.).

Before I forget, we actually went up to the deck while wearing our smartest set of clothing to take a few shots of us and the sea, posing for nobody in particular except maybe for ourselves. The most hilarious shot must have been the one of QZ, where he stood stylishly at the railings and looked downwards in utmost coolinity. Unfortunately for him though, his gaze was directed at a bright orange life buoy, which led to his photo showing him actually contemplating the usage of the life buoy. Nonetheless, that probably added another shade of gloom and despair into the shot, which all goes well with QZ's nonchalant look on the picture. I mean, look at it another way, who else can contemplate death while looking so stylishly seh while striking such a cool pose? Probably nobody else in the world other than our dear narcissistic QZ. :)

But not forgetting the exact facts, we all took the same shot with varying poses and levels of stylishness. As what QZ suggested, this string of photos could probably be called the 五大帅哥 of Chinese High. But hey, everyone's allowed their own opinion, right?

That final night, we hit the casino for the very last time. QZ and Teh were probably on their last legs, still fervently trying to put their 翻本计划 to use. Perhaps I might divulge a bit of their big plans: If one were to put 50SGD on a bet that pays 1 to 1, he has a 50% chance of being able to 翻本, which is, as they claim, pretty high. (Nobody can fault them for their half-glass-full optimisim.) If one was to be unlucky enough to lose that 50SGD, it only took another 50SGD and another chance to 翻本. However, if one were to win, he would have 100SGD, which he can place into another 1:1 bet to earn big big big money. Unfortunately, before they could put their plan into place, another crisp 50SGD note was burning in the Oasis Roulette machine.

As the next day dawned, it also dawned upon us that we were actually returning to Singapore. As we settled down at Mediterranean Terrace for our breakfast(or hightea, since someone here helped us miss breakfast at 10am), we started planning our day over yet another jug of Ice Lemon Tea, priced at 5SGD. Quite a good offer, we all noted; it even had a slice of lemon in the glass. Nonetheless, when planning became yet another chore, we decided to "open the floor" and start questioning each other about their love lives. Nobody was spared the torture. Most importantly, Teh wasn't spared any face either. As much as I remember, I should look up on how Elizabeth looks like in my yearbook as soon as possible. We discussed about many "matters", issues that were pretty significant in our lives. We posed our questions and doubts about why a particular someone would like someone, when the latter wasn't desirable in any damned way. We then collectively envied someone, who had the luck and charm to actually win the heart of someone who is actually liked by someone in our group. All names have been omitted to prevent the decapacitation of the particular someones, most importantly, me.

So came a time when we decided to do something really special, something to remember our 4 days by. We decided on actually filming an MTV, on a song that brought us all together as a class. So we embarked on a righteous journey of self embarrassment on the deck, belting out cool dance moves choreographed by the wonderful Tham. Apparently nothing is too embarrassing, to me especially, since its done together with all my great buddies, not forgetting the one and only cameraman, Ram, who never got sick of filming Tham and his slippers throughout the whole MTV shoot. Many bloopers were duly recorded, some purposely by Pig, especially when we were doing the chorus, and he focused not on our ultimately stylish stances, but on the contrast of our footwear.

The time spent on the ship passed so quickly; before long, we were en-route to Sentosa, and having missed our final dinner at Mediterranean(can never get sick of that place), we decided to eat at the Samurai, since Ram and Tham had cravings for Japanese fare, while the other 3 of us were probably too scared of invoking the spirit of the Samurai, for we kept on eyeing the closed doors of the evil Oasis. Nonetheless, we stumbled into our seats, flipped open the menu, and nearly flipped out of the door. The cost justified our fears: anything Japanese means big money, or in our case, big shit. A plate of green cold Soba noodles probably cost around 30SGD. I swear, I damn swear that I could dye my Maggi green, pour ice over it, and stick it in soy sauce and it wouldn't even cost more than $1.50. Nonetheless, the bill came up to 200SGD in total, not forgetting that the 3 of us practically only ordered Gohan, which actually means a bowl of bloody normal rice, and each bowl cost us 3bucks each.

The rest is history. Or if you think another way, the rest is all bullshit, since we're back to work.

In retrospect, various scenes along the way has made this trip truly memorable. I remember Teh having problems with the metal detector cause it kept on beeping whenever he passed through it. In sheer evility, we teased that it was due to his metal knee, but hey, the nice guy just let him pass without scanning his knee! Sheesh..maybe next time Al Zarqawi could kidnap Teh to smuggle bombs around..

The time back at the Activity Centre, just as we were rounding Labrador Park. For me it held special meaning: it was probably the last date I went out with Yuwei..she has always wanted to go there with me, but nature-hating me refused for so many times. Somehow that tinge of sadness still remained in me, for not treasuring what I had in the past, and now regretting my incredibly painful loss. I still remember how I broke her heart when I refused to walk with her on the beach, just because I hated sand. I hate everything nature provides. I still do..but I guess if there was a second chance, I'll really enjoy walking anywhere with her, even on hot coals..

But other than sidetracking, the funnier thing at Activity Centre was when we bought 15dollars worth of Scratch-n'-Win Lottery cards. Sadly, the only prize we won was a $1 ticket. Whee~ Somehow or another, one thing led to another, QZ mentioned something of a bad omen, since we were losing money through the Lottery cards, and were due to visit the Abyss/Oasis later on. Teh then paraphrased:这是个不详的正兆。 Invoking upon whatever limited Chinese vocabulary I still retained, I had a bright spark of enlightenment and inspiration, further adding:这也是个凶兆!! Apparently, the entire group burst into laughter, except me, for I distinctively remember that I used the term correctly. Im damned bloody sure I did. I checked the dictionary once I reached home. Still, it was pretty hilarious, with Tham reaching the throes of an asthma attack from laughing, and the two horizontally challenged women looking away shyly after the loud comment. We spent the entire 5 minutes discussing the term at the Activity Centre, before concluding that I was correct, but used the term at the wrong place, at the wrong time.(More than half of the people in the room then wore the term I so "wrongly" used.)

So there ends my narrative. We return to our daily routine lives, hoping for yet another trip of such tremendous fun and proportion. Maybe next year..maybe somewhere further..maybe somewhere colder..maybe staying longer..maybe somewhere..with many more suitable girls..

Check back soon, when Tham gets over his embarrassment and uploads the MTV and our cool shots!

a new horizon 7:11 pm

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Lizards..

I remember..

the times when you squeezed my hand so tightly when you saw one.
the times when you jumped in fright and nearly scared the daylights out of me as well.
the times when you described them in such detail, that you were actually funny.
the times when we walked by your void deck to see these creatures.
the times when you hastened your footsteps and shut your eyes when you saw them.
the times when you hugged me in fear when they slithered by you.

now when i see them, i think back of you too..
when i saw my friend murder a lizard, i couldn't stop feeling sad, for another memory has faded with the extinguishing of that life. maybe memories can be attached to material, physical means after all..

kinda creepy, isn't it?

a new horizon 1:33 am

Saturday, November 12, 2005

I'm leaving this place for a while..

I hope I return to a better place. Enjoy yourselves, live life and prosper.
Maybe I'll even post some pictures. But one thing: I'll still miss you..see you in my dreams, yuwei.

a new horizon 9:04 pm

Friday, November 11, 2005

How long has it been, ever since I've last heard from you? I've eagerly waited for the time when you'll finally unblock me from MSN, when you will finally reply my messages. Half a year has just gone by, I'm still waiting futilely. Are you still holding true to your promise? Is it just that the time isn't right for you yet? Or was it just an excuse to forever erase me from your memories..?

I'm changing my phone soon. All the pictures of you, all your messages..I can't bear to lose them. Especially the received call entry, the very last one ever since June. It still resides in my list, protected from deletion, because its your number named under "Darling".

Will I ever hear from you again? I just wish things hadn't gone so wrong..I always thought we could still be friends again..

a new horizon 9:06 am

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Scarred my face.

Had an exhausting soccer match after my 5km run at the gym. Ball came straight at my face, didn't have any reaction time. So there goes my left eyelid. I just hope it doesn't scar permanently..I look like a freak of nature now.

a new horizon 6:10 pm

Monday, November 07, 2005

I came past MacPherson road today. The place where you worked. Dad drove me past your company, I could see me waiting at its gates, waiting for you to lift up my day. I could see the time when I escaped from BMTC Tekong, only to spend that precious time travelling there to have lunch with you. I remember having prawn mee with you at the stall, me dress in my smart 4, sitting opposite you as you nibbled down your food. I remember, the time when we walked the long route back to your company, just to spend that extra 10 minutes together. I remember your smile back then. I still remember.

a new horizon 6:40 pm

Saturday, November 05, 2005

it really felt like the old days, when there were no worries, no care for the world. no girls in our lives, no troubles in our hearts. just gaming together as a gang, bonded as a whole. the time when no girl broke our hearts, the time when we never drifted due to our relationships. the time when we played together, laughed together, swore together, and teased each other.

i really had so much fun today with you guys.

a new horizon 10:12 pm

Friday, November 04, 2005

Do I truly miss her, or do I miss the feeling of holding a girl's hand?
Do I truly miss her, or do I miss the feeling of being loved?
Do I truly miss her, or do I miss the company?

I don't want to make a second mistake.

a new horizon 5:53 pm

Thursday, November 03, 2005

I'm tired.

Stood at counter for at least 8 hours today, watched A Series of Unfortunate Events at main gate and a bit of soccer to match, before watching one-half of it in the holding area. Slept a grand total of 3 and 1/2 hours for today.

Life trudges on as normal. Only that it could have been more normal with someone else.

a new horizon 12:37 pm