Friday, May 28, 2004

Okay, so I've been M.I.A for this whole week. My neck's caused me superior pain (you know superior when it hurts everytime you breathe), and I've been rather busy with catching up with tutorials. Maybe its the new motivation I have now, but believe me, I didn't slack off this whole week. I was recuperating ;).

Just bought a new phone! Released 2 days ago...its 6610I!!!

Haa..."jubilant" about it. Thought it had video capabilities until I reached back home. In fact, I was pondering over whether to get a Siemens ST60 (complimenting...;]) or to fork out $138 for the Nokia 6610i.

Guess thats a hundred over bucks I'm not going to see in a jiffy.

Maybe its the long absence from blogging, but I don't seem to be writing in coherence, or even writting structured, organized entries now. Anyways, I also just came back from watching Shrek2. Cute...funny...hilarious! Haa...quite a cool movie to watch with friends.

Back to the mugging regime.

a new horizon 10:29 pm

Sunday, May 23, 2004

I've set on a new mission in life, and this time, it wouldn't be easy...somehow it makes me feela like Keitaro. I'm gonna start mugging for a purpose, and god help me, I'm gonna fulfil those conditions set. Its gonna be uphill, its gonna be tough, its gonna be painful, but damn, I will persevere...

I'm going to change again. Help me guys, help me. I'll need all the help I can get. If Keitaro could do it...I definitely can!

a new horizon 10:22 pm

Friday, May 21, 2004

I did the impossible, one which I would never have done. And I think I pretty much succeeded. Happy beyond words? I think so. I hope I can let her carry me to a more beautiful life, as much as I hope I can do so for her. If my voice wasn't monotonously robotic, I would be singing to the high heavens now.

Maybe my dream has finally came.

a new horizon 12:05 am

Monday, May 17, 2004

I've been confused lately. Just that I didn't think it was important enough to bring up, that it was trivial to rant. Now I'm pretty...confused. Ever since the days of soiree, or even this year, I've been drifting about the edge of pursuit, still wondering what to do with leftover emotions.

Now I guess I should really move on. Tonight and Soiree night kinda cemented that feeling. That final message cut off all hopes of revival, and for that, I'm pretty happy. And now, I'm suddenly moving on to another. Am I too frivilous? Too desperate? I don't want to hurt anybody or do anything wrong, neither do I want to let people think I'm looking for someone to replace. But somehow, I've realized the importance of leaving doors open. To look for someone who appreciates me? I'm still pondering. Until then, I'll leave it as good friends. Afterall, it might take a while to develop feelings again, especially after my season of loneliness..and the great numbing.

Oh yeah. Inspirations 2004 was okay, too bad they didn't play some of the more popular pieces. Well, I was looking forward to listening to Canon D again :p

a new horizon 11:11 pm

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Its been truly a magical night to remember. Its been so long ever since I've been so happy, so satisfied at the end of the day, too.

Soiree was a huge success. Of course, lets delve into the day's special events! So many things happened...so many things to say that I'm still ecstatic!

730a.m, Chemistry Makeup-Tutorials, by Mr. Rudy Lee
I didn't do Nitrogen compounds tutorial. Sadly, due to Soiree ending late and me being a early sleeper. So I kinda slacked off in the end...

After that, the girls went off to Plaza Singapura to buy "accessories" for our performance later on, and also for lunch. I didn't want to travel so far, so I stayed back with Alex, LJ, Ben, Eugene and Jiehui. Played mapless Chinese Chess with Alex on the class bench, which was kinda gay. We had a hard time figuring out the grids (there weren't any) and arranging the chess pieces on the table so that they were in order. The current score lies at 2-1. I won my very first chinese chess game without help, too =D. Did an evil "Choke the general" tactic with my cannon. Whee!!

After that, we trooped off to coro for lunch, had black pepper chicken rice. Horribly little chicken, but we made off with tons of rice. Proceeded back to HC with alex while the rest went home. Then, we slept for one hour, lying on the class bench.

12p.m, Soiree Rehearsal

It was pretty boring at the start, but later on, it got pretty hectic. My group came up 5th, and it was rather early on. So up we went...and it was pretty embarrassing when you screw up the opening notes. Twice. How bad could it get? My morale was at an all time low. QZ didn't sound as shen as he would be, and somehow we just didn't click as a group. The problem of everyone else not looking up still existed. How bad could it get before the final performance in 4 hours time?

After that, was Canon in D. We did...pretty okay, albeit too fast to my liking. But yeah, theres not much to comment after you've been blogging about the same song for consecutively a few weeks.

Everyone else had no other song to perform except for me, cause I have to do the finale and encore piece, "Two Guitars". So we were playing mapless Chinese Chess down in the basement, with me losing horribly cause I was playing a fool. Ran amok with my horses until I blocked my own hoofs. QZ took over, and before long, someone tapped me. 0.o.
SX arrives with his shen guitar. Yuwei was nearly dozing off while waiting for lunch..that she was resting on my guitar (angtengsoon's guitar, my mistake) while I chatted with SX. QZ went off to Kenny's for a shower, or something, I'm not sure, leaving Alex to have a duel with Hh in International Chess, while yuwei n' i listened on to SX jam out his plethora of songs. Really nice. I think he got the attention of half the room full of people. Yuwei n' i were kinda mersmerized...heh~

Later on, I taught Yuwei how to play mahjong on qz's phone, and jammed along a while with SX, until she dozed off on my shoulder. Had to poke her awake for dinner, and went up to complete 2 Guitars, then rush off for dinner at the canteen. Then, the girls went off to bathe, while Alex n' I went to Block E's toilets to take a dump together, before changing into our concert clothes in Block B toilets. Quite a great journey, through the many toilets of the school, finding vacant spots to take a quiet dump, and spacious toilets to change and air ourselves dry.

6.30p.m, Soiree 2004

All the late nights, all the tremendous amounts of energy expanded in lugging guitars to and fro, all the many hours we've whiled away in the LTs, its finally came to a happy ending. Soiree 2004 was a sellout. People had to sit at the cordoned areas. Others were sitting on the steps. I couldn't believe my eyes when I first stepped on to the stage. Thank you everyone!

I'm especially grateful to my class for their efforts in making our band such a wonderful one. Seriously, I thought that the Soiree run was our best run we ever had. True, we each had a few individual mistakes, but we covered up for each other. The previous rehearsal was still ringing in my head, and I was shivering while we waited in the side wings for our turn. I didn't want to screw up in front of such a big audience, one with at least 800 pairs of eyes staring down at you. No, not then. Luckily we had this group hug thing..it kinda calmed my nerves a while. I stopped shaking, not as vigorously actually.

We walked out on to the stage, with gay looking feathers tied to our guitar knobs, to cheers from our class, relatives, and friends.

The First song - Ji Mo De Ji Jie.
QZ was up on the mike. The dynamics was perfect, and everybody remembered exactly what they were supposed to do. I played a note wrongly at the start, and my fingers started to vibrate again. Thankfully, Alex sounded strum-perfect then. I was pretty much picking on him for his buzzing strings, and generally his strum patterns, but I'm very, DAMN glad he was right there when I screwed. The girls plucked loud too, and they did remember to look up, and smile, just as I did =D. Qz sounded great on the mike this time, to everyone who we met and listened. Sheesh, I'm so proud of our group. The ending C chord ended qz's stint, and on comes Jaymie. Not to forget the tumultulous applause, with many cheering QZ on.

The Second song - Can't Help Falling In Love with You.

5 pairs of eyes at me. Let's go! Nod, nod, nod, nod, and everyone started at the same time. Woah. Timing was correct, immaculate to the second. Damn. If we were ever as good during rehearsals, we would never have needed those late nights, or for me to feel such immense stress during the past few weeks. Nothing buzzed. Alex's melody was good, Jay's voice was constantly shen! Haa...not to forget Sisi for her great lungs.

By now I was kind of calmed, maybe its just the spotlights that pumps adrenaline into your body. I felt fine after prolonged exposure to those spotlights, anyway. When we plucked the ending D chords, everyone was clapping loudly...wow. That feeling was great, undescribably great. Haa...everyone thought we ended, until I wickedly did that D' thing. Yeeha, and the fast rendition came on, to the shock of many. I jammed super hard on the strings this time round, in hopes of it not buzzing. The girls were doing fine, but I wasn't paying much attention as I was saving my own hide. 800 pairs of eyes on the shaking strumming boy in blue. Man, I had to do everything right, and thank god, I did.
We ended off to thunderous applause again, and gratified, we left the stage.

The group was great, the most excellent run we could ever have, and we presented it to everyone on our final performance. Thanks you guys, you made my day. That small group item was my most stressful item, and by acing it, the rest of Soiree seemed like a breeze. Thank you for your efforts, and for standing by me when I was collapsing. Thank you!!! This night shall remain etched forever...for I shall never find an opportunity, when nearly a thousand people applaud you for your efforts. Thank you. Thank you. Never in my life again, will I be able to have the strength to face an audience so big, and perform for them. Never before, without all of you, have I ever experienced being a performer, doing something that others would applaud you for. Thank you for this experience, for removing that introverted side of me that still lingers on from CHS. Thank you.

Canon in D

Ecstatic from 73 Degrees (Now it starts to sound roxor for our band, since its songs sound so damn great), I sped down and changed from blue to white long sleeved shirts within 3 minutes. Then I dashed over and grabbed my guitar, positioning myself for Canon D. Canon was slow and steady at the start, but later on, Kelvin kinda lost control of everyone at the chorus, as many sped up. I couldn't slow down my guitar part, sadly. Instead, I was trying to add musicality within the piece, which may be wrongly perceived by others as posering. Haa...anyways, I was also looking up to the centre block, hoping to find our class. And I saw her first.

Oh yeah, nearly forgot to mention that both Angtengsoon and I didn't bring scores up on stage, so I was giraffing towards Ronglin's position (to my left) to see the scores, which was like 3 seats away. I did look pretty weird on the video the class took.

Interval

Haa...here comes the time for many thanks again. I sneaked out to the audi during the interval, to meet up with friends and my family, as well as to receive any presents/gifts/flowers. :P

This year was quite a good year...I got a total of 4 flowers as opposed to none last year! And some were really expensive, big sunflowers...thanks!
Lets see...One huge yellow sunflower from Jan,Kenny,Teh. You rock!
One flower from Priscilla and Beverly...haa apparently I didn't give you tickets for nothing!
One flower from SX, thanks for the giving me the biggest of the stock! Haa..
Finally, one flower from my class, presented by Kristy. I was pretty touched to find that the class actually went to the orchard where they personally cut off the flowers, dethorned the roses, and plonked the flowers in water vials. Thanks for your efforts!! I must admit, I was rather disappointed when we didn't speak when we met, as if there was a great distance, a conversation gap between us. That didn't affect me much though, I ran off to meet my parents.

Passed my flowers to dad and mom, and the girls suddenly took to seeing my sister, who they deemed "cute". Haa okay, she's cute, but she got dragged off to the class and everyone took pictures with her. Hey, what about me?! Oh well, its kinda sad to be jealous of your own sister. Nevermind that. I went off to meet Beverly and Priscilla. Haa, I was boasting on how fast I change, that I could be a model some day if I ever shaped up :P. I'm kinda glad they liked the performance though, I did owe beverly a concert since I promised her way back.

And SX....damn, if only you had your solo item. Any of your songs would have sufficed, maybe one of the happy songs, like Jiu Ji Ta. You didn't need practice, really!

Anyways, interval was over, and Jay+me went back to basement to slack until our performance, 2 guitars.

Two Guitars

Don't get me wrong, I love this song. But the way we played tonight was rather poor. The harmocs did a helluva job, those behind me, speeding the song up way too fast, so fast that its beyond strumming capability. And the problem is that we had two chances to get it right, the finale item, and the encore. How could we screw up both times? I'm kind of miffed...this was supposed to sound the best, the most majestic! Oh well, things go awry sometimes. Pity the audience were deprived of a chance to listen to its beauty.

Supper

So, its customary to go for supper after a concert, and off to Old Brown Shoe we went for some liquor and snacks. Was told that they didn't have any food left, and we left for Adams Road. Not before I realized I left my bag in school while being engrossed in watching the video th filmed on Mrs.Goh's videocam. I ran all the way back to school, all the way back to Adams road, in leather shoes. My feet hurt like crap now. We ate ice kachang, one bowl each, and had a 5bucks worth of kwaytiao shared among us. I was the only one ingesting the mussels, sadly. Everyone else was HepB conscious. Bah, I rather die early. Anyways, theres still the great conversation gap between both of us. I somehow can't put my finger on it. Bah.

When going home, we realized its over 12. Damn, excess charges to the taxi, and no more buses. Walked back to Serene Center's bus stop, and loaned Yuwei n' CY 30bucks for taxi fare. I took a taxi back with qz, loaning him 50bucks. Now I'm broke. On the taxi, I hazarded a sms to her, telling her not to stress anymore for her competition, and wished her good luck, only to get a dao message in reply. Oh well.

It is a night, when even her ignoring me has no effect whatsoever. I've ascended to higher levels of numbing. Tonight, I remain happy, and this time, truly happy.

a new horizon 12:53 am

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Something happened during assembly today, and it pretty put me back in the position of way back last year.

I appreciate that you guys try to piece my heart together by allowing me maximal contact with her. But I don't know...now it just doesn't seem to be proper. My heart's just one jigsaw with several lacking pieces, one unfinished, uncompleteable puzzle. Thanks for your concern, but I hope you guys understand that whatever you did this afternoon was pretty awkward for both of us. So bad that our interaction after that kinda worsened. Somehow, I felt like it was way back in last July-August period, when we avoided each other like the plague. Or rather, I didn't dare to face her, she didn't want to see me.

Maybe..we'll just leave it up to fate. Take no further step, just let fate carry me away to some peaceful paradise. No more conscious efforts such as today, okay? Thanks, buds.

Now moving on to work.

Guitar ended at 10.30 today. Sick, demented Canoning outside the auditorium until the daylights were out. A performance needing improvement. I'm sure we can make it now. We've got our technicals fixed. We need practice. We don't have time.

Tomorrow, I have guitar practice at 5p.m. Aw damnit. Means no badminton too. My blisters from soccer yesterday are killing me too. I'm tired. Gonna go entertain zhou gong with Canon D.

a new horizon 11:46 pm

Monday, May 10, 2004

A new blogger. Interesting.

I'm writing out of a temper now. Dude, if you still read this, take bloody note. My decision on whether to appear for the concert lies basically on me, and you should NEVER, EVER try to play me by my heartstrings. You do know my weakness, and no, I simply DO NOT appreciate you trying to manipulate me to your will just by playing on that one particular witness. Do you think I like it being hoodwinked or even lured out to an outing by other people? Do you even think I like being so vulnerable? Fuck you, you bastard.

I'm seriously pissed off with you. You're fine, but seriously, when you get on playing with people's emotions, or messing with other's minds, you're just a fucked up little shit. Screw off. Its not the first time this has ever happened. Stop telling other people to lure me out by saying she's going. You do know it hurts. Why do it then? Especially when I'm trying to forget it all, you play on me. Is that what friends are for? To play you around your worst weaknesses to achieve their own ends?

To appear or not appear for the concert is fully on whether I'm tired or not. Even if I do appear, don't make me look like a fucking asshole cause of her going. Bastard. A concert's for one to appreciate music. Not for staring at people.

Go away, you piece of cuntlicking dumbfuck.

a new horizon 11:58 pm

Sunday, May 09, 2004

I think i've lost the impetus to blog.

My life's slowed down to a monotonous routine of guitar, sleep, guitar, sleep. And what can I write about here? I've complained about my life one too many times, and it isn't very rare to see the same comment more than once per complain. My life's became history; history's became my life. I'm stuck in an ever-ending loop of re-runs, poor ones at that.

I've been reading through my past entries, back from day1 ever since I created the page. I find it immensely laughable at times, find myself hilariously stupid at many a situation, and thinking back, I realize how ridiculously foolish I've been during the past few months. Illusions, however pretty, remain translucent this life. So many wild-goose chases, so many red herrings, all for naught, all in vain. I've wised up. Even as much as I desire, it shall remain an unsated one. Infinitisimally slim, remain my chances. I've spent one year in pursuit, pain, suffering, and a hefty amount of will-power in the numbing of emotions. Another two months in self-doubt, semi-reminisence. Another month torturing myself in withdrawal symptoms. Too much, all for naught. The same question arrives. Why hurt yourself when she doesn't know of it? Even worse; why so, when she doesn't care?

I've made countless promises to myself to halt any other fleeting thoughts of the impossible, only to fail myself upon the next interaction with her. I've blamed it on destiny, that I'm forever to be twiddled like a puppet, my heartstrings balanced by her whims. I've sorrowfully moaned the fault of my inactivity, my hesitance in pursuit last year. Why so? After all, it might have hurt even more if I failed, and the end result remains similar to this day.

And I've blamed myself. Countless times, I bash myself mentally over decisions. Decisions to come to terms with reality, contemplations of letting go of something that would elude me nevertheless. The self-inflicted scars have remained, evidences found in strips of this very blog page. Deep as they be, they remain hidden from her, from the world in general. But not from me.

[Lost love is still love - it takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.]

Lost love. What I have here is unrequitted, unfound, unwanted love. Graduating it to be a memory would grant to it a closure I never seeked, and such memory would be left hidden on the shelf, an untouchable. What I have here is a double-edged sword, one I hold by the blade, and one I wish I never picked up.

Right now, majority of the posts I've ever made revolve around her, matters about her, thoughts about her. And I suddenly have the impetus to stop. A sign? I wish this self-inflicted maladiction to be removed from me, but cursed emotions still plague me. The coming of Soiree brings about another decision, one hilariously ridiculous to me months later. Would I yield to another urge to screw myself up? Heaven forbid.

Suppress my hormones. Understand me. 7 months to the end of my suffering, to the beginning of my suffering.

a new horizon 10:21 pm

Thursday, May 06, 2004

The world gets weirder everyday.

I went to CMPB today for my IQ test, and my medical eye checkup. Morning showers then, had to run to Westmall to get to the MRT. Got myself soaked in the process. Took the mrt to tiong bahru...and took a taxi to CMPB. Costed 4 bucks. Ben was already waiting in the rain. So we went in...and somehow I recognized every M.O that walked by. Haa...those sad guys were still working there, at their respective stations. The blood-pricking gay is still there. The urine-test observer's still looking at urine samples. The chest-Xray man is still looking at barenaked men. The S.M.O is still observing people's weewee.

So we went to station 10, the last station. Aptitude test. The first few tests were fine...although I didn't quite realize that there was a time limit. Was still pondering over a question before the "Your test is over" page came up. The analogy questions...I kinda rushed my way through it. Then came the *spam* the keys test, where you're supposed to be tested on hand-eye coordination. Everyone started to cliakcliakcliak on their keyboards....irritating! Then...the ahmads beside me who arrived after us kinda left after an hour...and I was like, still halfway through the test. Omg.

Then came the physics section. Pulleys, gears, Bernoulli's and Boyle's Laws. Resistance of wires, proportionality of length and thickness. Pictorials after pictorials, we sifted through all of them. Then came the imagination test, whereby one would imagine the orientation of a picture when rotated about an external frame. I didn't catch the instructions at first, so I kind of stumbled through the first few questions without a clue of what I was doing. After finishing that section, I went back to find myself being very stupid then =D. Then came the memory part, which was supposed to be one of my best sections, due to my exemplary memory. Or so I thought. I died when I was supposed to memorize numbers in the millions. Sadistic.

After that, we went to the cafeteria to have our lunch. Ate Indian Cuisine, which was pretty good. Too bad the cafe only had simple mixed veggies style, not as much variety as in HCJC. Oh well, had minced chicken, beans, and a free papadum, mixed with chicken curry. Pretty appetizing. After our meal, I kinda convinced ben to stay and wait for me to finish my eye checkup at 2pm. So we stayed there...at the cafeteria full of NSmen and workers, with me doing GP comprehension and ben listening to my Nomad and reading QZ's LOTR. Did the GP from 12 to 2, then we went back to the main building for me to get my eyes dilated by the damned eyedrop again. Proceeded to wait there for around an hour, before I got my turn. By that time vision got really blurry, and bright lights hurt. Back to the days of 1 year ago.

We were kinda late for Bio prac after my turn, so we took another cab off to school. Cost around...6 or 7 dollars. Reached the school in my home clothes - the Arsenal PT shirt and black hippy pants. Felt a bit...weird, cause everyone I knew gave me strange looks. Arrived in the bio lab to see everyone again. Proceeded to chop up a mouse with ben, then started chatting with the guys about my NS PES status. The girls came to enquire abt me...and suddenly phyllis n' cy started chatting about soiree. Was kinda shocked when they commented that...R looked chio. YEOW.

After bio prac, went over to PE lesson, which was basically carrying NEwater bottles from HCJC storehouse to the CHS track room. While he went back to restock his NEwaters, we mass-pulled up at the track room. Did quite a few...maybe I'm improving afterall!

Well, after that we went to PS to watch Van Helsing. It was more of a thriller than a horror movie...with cheap "Behind your back" scares and the "Sudden jerk action" moves. But damn, the vampiresses in human form look super hot. Think they're models or something. Hahaa..they're damn dramatic though, acting real weird when their offspring vampire bats explode into goo. Frankenstein's kinda useless in my opinion...oh well.

I'm tired.

a new horizon 10:06 pm

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Overconfident, underpracticed

Thats what we were. We jammed every opportunity to the class, believing that we were good enough for Soiree. All was well; I jammed great, we jammed great, qz sang fabulous. But what did that equate to in front of the auditorium?

Zilch. Nada. Zero. Loser.

Everything started to go way off the plan. Everyone's timing was screwed up, horrible to the extent of everybody playing their own song in JMDJJ. I tried to keep a smiley face, in hopes of evading the teachers' wrath if any. The strumming sounded off-key, off-rhythm. The plucking was totally off-sync, definitely unsynchronized. I never felt any worse on the stage. To think that we made qz stay back all the time until 4-5 just for him to sing a few words. Sorry man, our fault there.

Can't help falling in love with you. One big helluva screwup. We appeared unprepared, totally sheepish up there, in front of Grace Ong and RL. The bass didn't "turn up", the pluckings were uncoordinated, and farkin hell, what should everyone else do when I strum? Things are NOT turning up well. Not for a concert nearly a week away. I'm in jitters myself.

Could there be a better time for someone, a someone, to console me? I'm breaking down, burning out. The heavily scratched knee isn't helping, and this time, the guitar only serves to enhance insanity.

a new horizon 9:11 pm

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Late into the night, I have the sudden urge to eat Mars bars.
I'm going insane. Someone save me.

a new horizon 11:52 pm

Today's NAPFTA test was...satisfactory.

The guys had PE early, so the first four periods of the day were attributed to NAPFTA. I arrived early in the morning to prepare mentally..and to pass tickets to priscilla. Then I stoned until the assembly. Didn't feel like talking, or engaging in small talk, and neither did I have the motivation to pick up the guitar early in the morning. Just didn't want to force conversation, I guess. After assembly, the girls then went off for lessons...leaving us guys to fend for our freedom after the As.

Challenge 1: Run up to Library, grab a Book to Exchange, change into PE, and assemble.

Nuff' said. The stupid bitch of a librarian refused to let me in cause I was in PE shirt. Like, what the bloody hell, I aint even wet yet. Can't she be a bit more flexible? Must be menopause. Had to get ben to help me borrow a Terry Pratchett book.

Challenge 2: 5 Items, first item, Pullup.

Yeah. The first thing of the day, the toughest job of all. Due to the shortage of guys today (Due to alex and mobi being sick, qz being baika, eugene being on perm mc, and nzh for being a fucking tard), we went through the class pretty fast. When we reached the pullup bars, I was kinda relieved to see mario being the teacher in charge there. Phew. He sure was lenient. Gotta remember to buy him drink next time. I did 5, struggled a while, failed. So 5 Pullups it was, a D for my age, and a silver nearly achieved.

The next few items breezed by, getting 3As and a B for broadjump. Then it was the next test, 2.4k

Challenge 3: The Big Run

60 Men. 1 Lane. 12minutes. An orange jersey. Number 5. A pair of worn-out shoes. One foot with an extremely long and irritating shoelace. I didn't have time to tie it in. Big, big mistake. I was on my 2nd round, going strong and keeping my breath constant, when I suddenly hooked my left foot on the right foot's shoelace. Goddamned. I tumbled in Lane 1, where it was of highest population. A few people stepped over me. I couldn't see who. But a heck lot of people overtook me. Damn. Rolled a while, then jumped up, continued running. Sneaked a glance at my left knee; a pretty large scratch was there, although it didn't seem very deep. I'm okay. Let's continue.

Half a lap later, the same damned thing happened. Same reasons, just on the different part of the track. Then, I really did want to give up. The gods didn't want me to continue. I'm being put down everytime I try. But hell no, I ain't gonna re-do every thing in the 5 items again on another day. Especially not with the 5 pullups I did. Besides...somehow I was thinking back of my predicament during the run. To suffer through pain..all the way to the end, no matter what outcome awaits at the very end. Yeah. I'll do that. So on a bloodied knee, through gritted teeth, I stumbled on. To fail, or not, I didn't bother. I just want to get it finished. Let the healing begin some time later.

Of course, it was lucky for me to obtain a B grade for 2.4k after stumbling through the run. Sweet success. I'm not pointing to the analogy now =D. I had a timing of 11 mins and 29seconds. I nearly dropped a grade by 1 second. Phew. The guys joked that our jersey meant that we originated from Valencia. Wanted to kick soccer vs the green jerseys (Nigeria) and purple jerseys (Florentia), but damn, no ball available.

Final Result: A A A B B D
Final Grade: Silver

Thank gawd, I survived, and I captured freedom for one more month.

Later on, was reading period. And PMS didn't come! Woohoo!!! I brought my guitar up to the classroom to jam songs for people who want to listen...and of course train with qz for our soiree. Played Ji mo de Ji Jie for qz, ben, jay, practically everybody who wanted to sing along. Then trained a bit for Can't Help Falling in Love with You. Haa...I sang along on this one...maybe cause she's there? Sure feels better singing it this way though...besides, its more emotional ;). Anyways, it was one of the most enjoyable reading periods ever. Ones when PMS's absent. Woohoo!

Soiree's coming up soon gentlemen...start your engines!

a new horizon 5:18 pm

Monday, May 03, 2004

Yet another person stumbles upon this blog. I wonder how long it would take before she actually hears about this. I assure you, I won't be able to survive a day in school if this happens.

This morning I went back to NUH for my final physio checkup. I'm finally declared Okay by the doctor, although there might be niggling pains down the back when I over-exert myself. Guess its going to stick with me for a while. I had my final heat therapy treatment, the clamp on the spine. I had a good nap for 20 minutes before the machine beeped itself off, and me awake. Oh well, off home, then to school.

Met ben at the bus stop while going to school. Apparently he's going home, sick dude. Substituted him as a half-time substitution for school. Went to bench, which was bladdy humid these days, at this particular time. Lord, I had to ask xun to fan me while I guitared for QZ to sing. Heh...i'm kinda envious of qz...he's managed to captivate many ppl...yeah you know what I'm driving at.

Tutorial periods next. Somehow...I'm starting to feel more and more retarded during tutorials. And I do think everyone will think so too. I can't answer every question shot at me to full satisfaction, not to the teacher's nor mine. Any question. I'm just so damned stupid now...to think that the topics I studied before eluded me during the questionings. I've gotta buck up. I ain't gonna stay stupid forever.

Went on to do bio practical with 76 cause I have NS checkup and IQ test on thursday. The rats were supposedly very stinky, but somehow the pervasive smell doesn't intrude my sinus. Lucky. The pregnant female rat was crucified on the wax plate, and systematically dismembered by the seniors who came back. Fur off, then muscle. Until the insides were easily observed. There was this great inflated part of the colon, probably due to fermented stuff stuck in the digestive tract. The pregnant rat had 12 fetuses. Woah. 12 lumps of flesh, each enclosed in its respective covering. Grossed out. And the senior lined them up...and for a while they looked a bit like Taiwan sausages. That HuiJoo girl from 76 was SERIOUSLY irritating, making stupid comments here and there. No wonder nobody did practical with her later on. Not to forget, she reminded me of the bloody goddamned faggot from my class. The female version. Bah. The senior accidentally prodded the thing...and it kinda deflated right before our eyes, without any expulsion of liquid or whatnot. Then he sheepishly proclaimed.

"Evacuate"

That was when we realized it was fartgas, from the colon. MAN! Rat fart can stink up the whole damned room...its even worse than human fart! It had everyone scurrying away from the teacher's table in panic...
Well, the most fun came from our actual dissection of the rat. Ang Teng Soon, me, and Sherman-dude. We were the bloodiest group in the class. Imagine? Lets say, we're supposed to observe the basic anatomy. What did we do?

Lets see. We followed procedures. We crucified the rat, then removed the fur. Cut up the belly to expose the insides. Saw the inflated colon, the long small intestines, the heart. Whatnots. Then we moved on to the urogenital regions. I erm...pulled and reverted the erm.. testes of the rat. Yeow. Then ugh. We cut the testes...to see thick white solid flop out. So that's what you get before the addition of semen. BLEAH. Then we did the sickest of things. We cut off the tail. We chopped the spinal cord into half to observe the insides. Then we opened its mouth and observed its teeth. Then we dissected its insides and lined them up for observation. It all seemed funny then. Now, in retrospect, it seems bloody disgusting. I shall not mention this to her next morning. I don't wanna gross her out.

Anyways, theres NAPFTA test tomorrow morning. Wish me all the best, cause I need the best for a miracle.

a new horizon 6:28 pm