Friday, April 30, 2004

2 more days until Yamaha Competition. These few days, I've stayed back late with most of my group members trying to finish our competition song. It was pretty mad.

Yesterday, I nearly lost my temper at my friends. Somehow, the competition's going to be an urgent matter. And yet some people have been going around slacking as if its none of their business. That kinda pissed me off to no end, so much so that I had a headache during Bio prac. Burnt up until it was really bad...such that I had to sleep through half of the practical. Maybe its just me nowadays. I think I spare too much a thought for others...I tried my best to cheer..people up when they're down...so much that I've began to neglect my state of mind. Who's to give me a hand when I'm down, who's to console me when I fail?

I'm so lucky to have friends. Knowing that such things would never appear from..certain someone, I'm glad I have close friends to share my woes and burdens with. Thanks for the chat xun! Surely made the clouds go off to another foreign land...and of course, not to forget qz for crapping with me for so long.
Fatigued by stress, I went to bed at 9 yesterday.

Today morning, was quite a perk after she asked about my dire situation in guitar, and kinda consoled/assured me after that. The rest of the day, we didn't talk. Doesn't matter. In fact, I wish that I get off the "like her/hate myself" thing ASAP. Maybe a slight nudge in the allosteric-girl inhibitor site by another female might help. Ha. I must be dreaming.

Anyways, congrats to qz for being officially deemed the popsongman of the class! haa...you rock man, your singing's so good...its already mersmerized many girls in our class. Ur so lucky there! ;)
Oh well, Soiree's coming up, and I think our class item's going up on schedule. Might have glitches here and there, and I might add in another song, but yep, come watch!

a new horizon 8:01 pm

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

This week, I haven't blogged much. Not because of the lack of thoughts, and definitely not because of lack of interest. Its due to work. Guitar. I'm dead, sunday's the auditions and I just got my scores ready. How in the world am I going to pass it when I see other groups working their asses off, practicing day and night to perfect and master their songs?

This does not bode well...

Oh, before I forget, a great big thankyou to those who've expressed concern for me through these few days. Apparently many other people visit this rant column more than I ever imagined. All the same, thanks for letting me know of your existance in my life too...and of course, thanks for sharing my complaints, my grouches...and troubles. To those who made my life even a teenie weenie bit easier/nicer/livable, cheers to you.

a new horizon 10:27 pm

Thursday, April 22, 2004

The guitar's been dominating the whole of today. Our CT tutor a.k.a Bio teacher didn't come today, cause she had to go down to the Esplanade again for another concert tonight. And since today's our practical period...we get to miss 4 periods of bio! Haa..that accounts for a mega uber slack day, with only Bio lecture and GP and physics tutorial. pretty cool huh.

I brought my guitar to school again today, yeah cause its slackerday. And PE's being pushed to 2.40 since theres no Bio practical today. So basically I was camping out at the class bench with my guitar in hand..practising season of loneliness. Tried vocals this time round, and somehow...I don't know, it just doesnt feel right. Strumming other songs was fun though..like something stupid, puff the magic dragon (the druggie song!) and summer nights. Had quite a nice time whiling my time away alone from all the hustle and bustle, as well as everyone. I just want to be alone for a while..

Well, my human relations is going down the efficiency slope. These few days I've had people yelling at me, poking daggers at my back. It may be for something I did, something I didn't, or basically I'm just fucked for being who I am. I satisfy someone, only to piss someone else off. How can I make everyone happy like this? Do everything at my own expense? Heck, even if I do so, you people will still grumble at my pathetic efforts. Why this, why now? I'm already bogged down by workloads, by guitar competition, by small group performances..and minute details just happen to crap up and screw the mind. Ugh. I'm just so sick of this. I want to hermit..but yet I'm afraid of hermitting.

And I just realized after GP lesson about how fast time will fly this year...how everybody will leave for their own skies after just a few months from now. 2 years is definitely not enough for building close bonds, for one to establish strong friendships. I want more time...and yet now I just want all this time to just vanish, to allow me to be alone from everyone. I'm turning into a loner. I feel more security with the guitar, with being alone, and away from sarcasm, criticism, and politics. The guy side of the class has suddenly resurfaced its ugly political side, and I don't like what's happening. I dunno..is it exactly mandatory to participate in this tug-of-war, or should I just stay aside, and be outcasted by my friends for not protecting one of theirs? In retrospect, I don't feel quite comfortable with a few classmates. Not very comfortable, in fact. Especially when they show their true, detestable nature in full force, by being a selfish, backstabbing asshole who simply wants everybody to conform to him, to his ideals, to follow him in not being friends with his alleged enemy. I mean, what the hell. Can't we cast off such childishness and just isolate yourself from your "hated" rival? I can't understand.

What the hell. I thought I'm pretty well okay with letting go of what I once...held dear. Until I realized tonight that I'm still hanging on to previous memories with an iron grip. I guess thats the reason why I want to freeze time in its tracks now...to live every moment to the fullest, to be in her company, knowing that after a few months, we might never meet again, never to communicate. Memories shall turn to knives then. I found myself looking through my chatlogs..and I stopped at ours. Its too hard to let go. I want to delete that file, that chatlog. But I can't. And neither do I want to open it again, to read through the memories.

Yet...pain exists while we stay motionless in the time tunnel. Being together is one thing, chatting and generally poking fun at each other as friends is great. Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy doing that. But yet, the subconscious thought resurfaces each time. Let go! You'll fail, and fail horribly, fall so bloodily that you'll never stand again. Do I even pay heed? No. I continue acting stupid. I've always had conflicting personalities in treating people from different gender groups. To the guy side, I seem to be more reserved, more serious, maybe a bit more vulgar, but definitely, I feel like being a loner. To unleash fury and wrath unto whoever dares to tease, irritate, or maybe pokes fun at me. To talk whenever I want to, to ignore people whenever I feel like. What do I do in front of females? I suddenly become one wacky rubber chicken. I take all punishments meted out. I laugh off teases, I play along being butt of jokes, being the centrepoint of laughter. I dunno if I appear to be an asshole to the other guys, but sometimes I do feel like a hypocrite. By portraying two sides of myself, its hard to maintain relations with both sides, to achieve a balance. Already I sense my close friends starting to think me weird, that I'm becoming anti-social by talking to much to the female end of the class. And yet when I mess around with the guys, I have that stinging feeling that somebody will feel that I'm dao, or practically a boorish pig who ignores females. Its hard to decide, when both he and a she asks you a question at the same time. Who would you answer to, and who would you look at? No. I'm not talking about gentlemanly gestures. Just tell me how I can satisfy both parties without making the one feel that I'm an hypocrite.

Not only that. I'm turning into a asshole myself. I kinda rejected going to my friend's competition to support him right in the face, cause I'm too bogged down with work. I really do wish that someone can guide me in suppressing my temper, or at least, letting me know when to release it in full force on fuckers. Still...things are getting to me. And its not me to take it without a fight. Piss me off and you'll be in big trouble now. si bei big trouble.

a new horizon 9:21 pm

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Whee~

Today was council elections, thus we had the first four periods of school off free, slacking at the hall doing stupid stuff. This year the class sat up at the right wing galleries, the location where dustmites and dirt thrived. We originally wanted to stay downstairs so as to.."visit the toilet" during one of the candidates' long speeches, but heck, guess we stayed with the class. Most of the chairs were gopeded by the girls by the time we went up, and there wasn't much space to sit a chair at the front row. So we squatted/sat on the ground for card-gaming. Haa...luckily I stole a chair ;).

In the end, the bridge/hearts game became the highlight of the 3-4 periods of slack. As we played on, more and more girls on top started to crane over and spectate. Sure was hard to play hearts with all 4 guys sitting in one line! I could practically locate the queen with just a glance. Meh~

The place is super damn hot lah. I was sweating my guts out even with the fan on. Guess it must be the congestion and cramped conditions in the gallery. Haa..luckily Yuwei was fanning both me, ben, herself and cy. Would have melted if not for her...although the periodic whaps on the head and tickling of the back by the 2 of them werent very welcomed when one's dropping the *BITCH* on you. Besides, a bandaged chinese ointment-reeking foot stuck to the left of you isn't very much of an encouragement to win.

Of course, the thrill of playing cards during such occassions is never complete without intervention of teachers! Since we were situated on the galleries, and teachers had to climb up the hall to reach us, we were practically safe from any *harm*. Or so we thought. Approximately 2-3 periods down, the gay looking GP teacher suddenly ventured up the stairs. Luckily the girls were alert =D. I managed to hide my stack under Ji Shu's bag...while the others sat on theirs, or put them under their feet.

The fun begins here. Ben kinda stepped on his cards with his foot to hide it. The thing is, the foot is in obstruction of the teacher's path to the back of the gallery. When he (I think hes uh...the Chloe guy.) reached us, there was a telltale pile of 4 cards left on the ground beside ben's foot...probably something moby or alex couldn't keep in time. I was already hitching up my legs acting tua pai/innocent. When Chloe asked ben to move his leg...haa ben kinda sheepishly DRAGGED his feet along the floor to move the cards. It worked alright...but the other pile was already in his sights.

He went.."What is this?", as if he was about to send us for CS.

We were all so damn scarededed. Haa, Alex and Moby were sharing earphones for his MD, while I was acting stupid. Ben was pretty gruff in treating Chloey, but his reply was so damn smart, an award should have been given to him =D.

"It was here when we came."

HOOLLY. I didn't think of that. I would have looked so guilty if he ever asked me. Phew! Anyways, he took that pile of 4 cards, rendering the rest of our pack...USELESS. Oh well, at least we didn't get caught. So in the very end, we messed around with the camera phones of alex n' cy..taking random pictures and basically, pictures of ben acting cute. Idiot ben took a few salacious photos of the girls behind...tsktsk. Shan't elaborate...else everyone knows how perverted ben can get ;). Lets just say that I didn't dare to look up and talk to the girls when I was below them playing cards, k?

Finally, after the whole dumb thing, half the class went off to SIM for lunch. We trekked the long way through CHS, and boy, did the whole place change alot. Kinda miss it, really. Especially when I realized that our sec1 route's forest for morning jog was cleared for boarding school...Argh. I do miss the crunch of gravel as we run through the dewy forest. Oh well, had chicken cutlet for lunch. 5 bucks. Guess I paid more for the company than for the food. The guys had one table to themselves, talking crap about games, while ben prided himself in being one of the girls...meheheh.

Then, we snaked through CHS again back for PMS's class! Went past the calligraphy room...which was chokful of books. Peering through the window, I managed to see a human skeleton looking at the window though. Spooky! Anyways, we explained the reasons behind the allocation of Toilet and Tower Block classes to the girls..and in the mean time, I realized that I was the only toilet blocker there. Damn. Got niaoed until my balls dropped. Walked the science lab, and through techlab+ artlab back to HCJC. Haa...we just had to show the girls how spooky artlab was. The eye at the entrance was already horrifying...not to mention me and ben scaring them at the 2 ends of the door. Heez...evil at its best!

Phew, this's one damn long entry of a narrative. Physics lecture was next, and for the very first time, I sat RIGHT in front of the lecturer. Luckily it was Samuel Tan, the dude who took us for PW judging. He was...okay, kinda nice. Me and ben kinda made hecklots of fun about him. Haa~. The dumb projector just had to keep emitting heat though. Not gonna sit there ever again. Oh, did I mention that I didn't bring that set of notes for his lecture? Imagine sitting through lecture in front of him without copying stuff.

Finally, was physics tutorial. Yeah...I finished A.C currents tutorial in that period of time! I rock! Muahahahaa :p

Okay, theres so much to write, and maybe I'll write more later. Shall go on to AOW and flex my immortal powers! :p

a new horizon 4:58 pm

Monday, April 19, 2004

Damn, I couldn't intercept the letter addressed to my parents in time. Now they're gonna start crapping about me again...sheesh

"Jiaho has not done well. He should put aside his other activities and concentrate on his studies."
Yeowch?

Other than that, today was simply NOT a good day. I arrived in school happy and cheery from physiotherapy, gladly missing GP lessons. I came in a bit late for Bio female reproductive systems. Fine and dandy. After that one of my friends just...disappeared. And something really bad happened to him. I won't be naming anyone, but damn, I do really hope you're okay. Dude, if you ever read this, remember that we're always here to share your burdens. We were so worried that even Alex suddenly scolded NZH in class for being a fucking dickhead. Hell, if I had the balls I would have added something even more scathing.

This is not the time to think about girls, or even studies. Its time to be with my closest friends. So kudos to those who might think they'll catch me rattling off about her. Be strong, my man..be strong...tide over this and you'll be stronger than any of us, ever.

Wishing you all the best. Catch us if you need a chat.

a new horizon 4:38 pm

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Just reached home from guitar practice. Things happened today, but damn, I'm really not into the mood to blog these days.

First thing of the day. Bio lecture. 4 and a half periods of Bio lecture, on human genitalia. I was nearly bored to death upon reaching the one on female reproductive system. One reason: Damn, those women are complex!!!

Another thing.

She's coming for Soiree. Well, maybe not too much reason to be really happy, since I'm not going to really pursue her anymore..but still, its pretty nice to have her there =). Not to forget, we've been getting on quite chatty terms lately, with the occasional sms here or there. But hey, lets not read too much into things, shall we? Let it lie, as I've stated long ago.

a new horizon 4:26 pm

Friday, April 16, 2004

I went back to NUH this morning for physiotherapy. Did the usual stuff there, the heat therapy, assessing of injury, and well, it seems that I have to go there for quite a few more therapy sessions before I'm "OK". Doctor told me to stay off NAPFTA test next week though..since situps are hell of a pain and I can't jump SBJ for nuts without shooting pains right into the tailbone. PES E seems to be within reach if I never buck up..

Heck, maybe its cause of the death-defying leaps I always make during badminton.

Anyways, I was goddarn tired back at NUH..so much so that I fell asleep while waiting for the bus, on the bus, while waiting for the doctor, on the bus back, and on the MRT back. Therefore, I was pretty much compelled to rot on my bed for the rest of the day, thus missing school, as well as the capacitance/AC test, and GP essay along the way. Unfortunate, I must comment.

Around 2.30, I was pushed off the bed and dragged downstairs to Westmall with my Mom..to buy shorts for me. Bleah. Apparently she thinks that my wardrobe is getting outdated. Got myself 3 pairs of shorts...but most of them seem to be only fit to be beachwear. Flower blue pants, anyone?

Back home, went to sleep. Just got pushed off the bed, and this time, to help Mom with making salad. Chopping veggies, cutting apples, peeling prawns, the works. And she just mixes every damn thing together with Thousand Island. Wonder who's helping who though :P

Just got an sms from her...haa scoldin me for skippin school, and to say that PW results are out. Not bad, not bad at all. I mean my grades though. I got a band 2!!! Happy! I didn't have much interest or confidence in scoring for PW, but what the heck anyway.Pity for Alex's group though...sigh.

Well, the last portion of today's entry kinda cheered me up from slumber. I'm wide awake now!

a new horizon 4:35 pm

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Shit i'm bloody tired. 2 hours straight of badminton on an inflamed spine. I'm fuckin nuts. School sucks, late at night, tutorials undone. Tired. Talk later. Just on to blog a bit since I'm so inactive nowadays. Sheesh.

a new horizon 11:33 pm

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Physics day once again.

Today was also, the last day of swimming for our JC life. Kinda sad to see it go, since swimming, as contrary to popular belief, was actually very fun with the presence of the polo-ball at the end of every lesson. Not forgetting the fact that I was in the slacker group. Haa..its pretty fun playing polo with your classmates, but its definitely not fun doing so with a screwed up spine and a sucky goggle. I can torpedo for 2 strokes, stop, and repeat. And that's basically all I can ever do. Heck, its okay, at least I scored one goal against qz today :P

Physics lecture...me and ben sat over at the back of the LT, as promised. We were hogging one whole row of seats for the girls just in case the front rows were occupied by 74...and so it was. Thing is, as they strolled up to our seats, a bunch of 79 and 31 jumped seat. Oh well, sorry about that :P The seats at the back simply rock. We listened to David Tao's albums and completed the exercises in the lecture notes way before the lecturer finished lecturing. ~yawn

Tutorial was data analysis...fun if you know what you're doing.

Practical was simply the WORST practical I have ever attempted in my entire life. I had screwed up readings which somehow, had a systematic error of +3.0seconds. That caused my straight-line graph to be shifted upwards to have a positive y-intercept..when its supposed to cut through the origin. Holy heck, when I realized that, everyone was packing up. Luckily everyone helped out in getting me new readings...thank you so much! Would have gone into overtime if you people didn't help out..although I must admit, the pressure to finish was extreme with you girls staring down my paper. Bleah, did I break into cold sweat or what.

Remedial - Fun, interesting. Thats basically one of the best lessons I ever had in HC. Excluding breaks, that is. Frankly speaking, it was more interesting when you went into llama mode :p. Heh~

Ohyeah, I officially survived the onslaught of GP shit work. Fux to you, Mrs. PMS

a new horizon 6:00 pm

Monday, April 12, 2004

Mad day today, rushing here and there. In fact, I stepped out of my house 3 times today..bad

Started the morning with that initial urge to wake up at 5.20. Realized I have physiotherapy, flopped back to sleep. Woke up around 6, and dressed in ahpek clothes to look old enough to warrant a visit to NUH. Of course, I brought along my Nomad...was listening to David Tao songs all the way =). Took the MRT to Jurong East, a 97 to NUH, and I was on my way to intensive burning of the ass...and boy today was the most intense. Its as if the doc dumped a branding iron on my cheek. Meh. He says I have inflamed spine. He wants to see me again this Friday. My whole body's going to pot...

Went home after that, reaching home at around 9.30. I then jumped bus to my old house for a quick snip of the fringe, a shear of the top. Damn, I just realized. Fat, big people should NEVER NEVER sport long fringes. Apparently I didn't realize this for at least 5 years. Well, I'll stick to short hair for now..at least I don't look so stuck up =).

Jump bus, back to school just in time for break. Luckily I missed Physics tutorial...we're supposed to hand up our physics design question today (apparently I didn't do it.) Heck, I'm so happy I have physiotherapy. I get to skip one cursed lesson of GP on mondays. I simply hate that bitch. Of course, the 3 GP assignments I have to hand up tomorrow don't help much in improving her stature in the assholes ladder of fame.

Chem lect after that...boring chem guailan lecturing. Guess it was his first time lecturing a topic..his notes were shitty stupid. We spent half the time copying chunks of text, so much that we couldn't listen to any explanation. Gah, wheres Mr. Lee *either J1 or J2 one will do* when you want him to lecture.

After that were the tutorials. Copied Bio Option3 lecture notes in Maths, listened attentively to Group7 at Chem (I didn't do tutorials. Maybe I shall stop mentioning this.) Then Mrs. Goh came in and did some quick overview for nervous system...which I didn't study for. Feel like an utter slacker. Timecheck: 3.10pm.

Backtrack, I have an appointment with my dermatologist at 5, Tanjong Pagar.
Ben's having his polo finals at NIE, a few stops off HCJC then.

So off we rushed to NIE! Some idiot told me the match won't last 1 hour, so I lugged the uber-heavy guitar+file down to NIE...to realize there aint no seat left. The girls who went earlier got a seat..we were stuck at the pool side, squatting like opium smokers. Thanks for calling anyway, too bad I was holding my pick in my mouth while I talked..hahaa maybe thats why I sounded a bit gruff..=p.

The match was rather epic...with those AC turbanators being assholes as usual. Haa I liked it when I saw chub headbutt the shit out of that AC dickface. Both teams, as much as I hate to say it, were quite evenly matched. But for once, I looked upon DiYan as someone damn bloody pro. His backsmash was simply not goal of the match! Haa..too bad ben, get wet next time yeah? At least you still have a medal to haolian about.

Anyways, congrats to the HCJC polo team for scoring 10-9 win, which was the reverse of their previous match with AC (HA eat that turbanators. Boo us somemore lah!). Shall see you guys up on the bridge very soon...

a new horizon 10:47 pm

Sunday, April 11, 2004

I usually wake up at 10 o'clock. Last night, I slept at 3 a.m.

And I got pushed out of bed at 10a.m by my mom. Imagine the extent of pissyness. That started off a horrible screwed up day (normal, in such circumstances of life). I slept through half the day, eating breakfast, then going back to sleep, and waking up for lunch, and back to sleep.

On second thoughts..did I have breakfast? Call it brunch i suppose.

The estimated time I finally woke up from slumber was around 3p.m, and I was supposed to work on my physics today. I still haven't. Saw my sis gunbounding and getting trashed by some lame crapdork cause she doesn't know how to use items. Bah, went over and showed that dick who's boss, starting off a 11-0 streak before he zipped off. Loser, always using the Grub. Ha. I got Dragon once, meh. The power of a Random.

Tried to do Kevin and Yinghao's Soiree piece...hahaa it sounds real fun! =D So fun that I lost my pick while tremoloing. Bleah..it was one of my favourite picks too! :(

I realized I jump to the handphone whenever it beeps, in hopes of getting..someone's sms. In fact, its been happening for quite some time, but I haven't gone on to think about it until now. The initial surge of energy flushing out any lethargy, then the gradual onset of reality and maybe, depression. Well, the current SMS I just got was a huge wipe out.

"meet this wed at b304 at 2pm to combine w harmoc for "2 guitars." must be fully prepped, -rachel liew"

Yeow. Haa maybe this provides for comic relief. I do wish I can learn from experiences like qz, with him handling every situation ever so well, taking setbacks as they go along. I never seem to have grasped such bravery, or control over my life before. Qz..toast to you there. You always remain one rung up the control ladder, maybe more. I'm still passively hurting, and it isn't even her fault.

But no matter. I'll survive. I'll put an end to this, somehow. But I swear, this'll hurt more than the shuttlecock.

a new horizon 10:06 pm

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Hrm. This saturday seems much better without guitar lessons at night. Its...somewhat less congested, more leisurely. Problem is that..I've been taking it too easy for this term. I didn't do any tutorial this term at all, neither did I fulfil my promise to myself of making notes for every subject, every topic.

I didn't sleep well last night. In fact, I may not have slept at all. I'm not too sure. Was flopping on the bed throughout the night, scratching and scratching at my back. It must have been over-consumption of alcohol last night..even the 22 degrees registered on the aircon remote didn't feel cool...Well, I suppose I burnt up a bit last night too. Sigh.

Woke up with sidepains today, and lurched to school while clutching my sides. Evil, shooting pains. Worse than the spine. Arrived on time at 9, but only the girls were there. Slacked at classbench with Peter, while charging my handphone at the 75 classbench. I played the guitar to myself there...while staring towards the tkd ppl practicing. Of course, the periodical grimace from the sides still exist. Ouch. Keeled over with pain on the stairs to the classrooms..had to require some assistance from Pete ;)

Seems like the rest of the stayovermates were very late :P. Bah. Guitar practice on Canon D again. Its so boring, I can play with my eyes closed already. Tsk. Anyways, our Soiree group item seems to have improved drastically. Season of loneliness was fine, really. We just have to iron out some minor details...now on to the nxt song! Haa...

I've been thinking about NS again. First concern. My hair. Heck, I want to go botak now...but I may appear weird. To everyone! Ack, maybe I'll do that during June. I've kinda ambiguous feelings towards NS. I want to go there, to slim down, buff up, and hopefully, get ready for the next wave of emotional distress in the Us. Then again, I don't want to get injured badly again. Not like last time. The many last times. And of course..I wouldn't want to go in earlier than everyone...and miss out on the outings everyone might have. After all, I should be the first batch to enter. Cest' la vie.

Am trying to work out how to load music. Wish me luck.

a new horizon 10:01 pm

Friday, April 09, 2004

Shit I'm so bloody pissed.

What's fucking wrong with my damn father. I'm in control of my goddamned life. What right does he have to stamp authority over ruling over every shit decision i have? Cause he's the shithead who contributed half my genes? I rather be the offspring of an amoeba.

FUCK. Cause he comes back and sees me playing, he thinks I'm not a mugging kid. Fuck you, you authoritarian a-hole. I do my fair share of mugging and thinking in school. Think I'm going the wrong way in approaching guitar as an interest? Fuck you. You never had no shit concert to practice for, no goddamned competition to grind your fingers against the fretboard for. Catch me sleeping everytime you come home? Screw off, you insensitive loser. You might be in the same office cubicle from 7-5. But what about me? I'm constantly under stress, at home, at school, at night. Love, Guitar, Schoolwork, Friendship. What the fuck do you know about all these? Screw off you insensitive shithead. Wanna compare stressloads, you anal-retentive loser? I'll beat you hands down, and thats on a public holiday.

Bastardized bunghole. Threaten to kick me out of the house? Damn, I'll be so fuckin glad. At least I don't have to face idiots like you everyday trying to force me into my books. Dude, get a fucking life. I do. Think I'm a stuck-up planner like you who ain't got no fucking friend to turn to? I have my friends. I make my own decisions. I don't have to plan 1 week in advance that I'm going to stay overnight at someone's house. Unlike someone who somehow never did before.

Hey asshole. Think everyday life reflects how you should work? HELL NO. I can be one who makes decisions on the go, and still work out plans well. Do you think planning makes you an elite worker, one who would never face troubles? That makes you an inflexible stiff. And I aint referring to your minime.

Look, you may be caring about me. But I do have my freedom. I can stay over all I bloodyfucking want. I'll deliver you your As, somehow or another. I can slack my way through the year, and I'll somehow, serve it to you, as you always forced me to. But NEVER, EVER am I going to be a MUGGER like you, losing your life and somehow, fail your goddamned GP. Fuck, now you remind me of Mrs.PMS, the male version.

You know what, asswipe? Your fatherly image dropped the drain 3 years back. Now you're just the remains - an asshole. You goddamned ratass. Which fuckhead will ruin a night of fun, a day of holiday and rest for his son? Other than you, that is. Its not as if theres something important tomorrow. Like you're on your deathbed or something. Screw off, I won't give a fucking hoot about it anyway. You jerk. Your reason for getting me home? "YOU DIDN'T PLAN FOR IT". FUCK what sort of shit is that? Seriously, get a life. Not everything can be planned, especially in social interactions. Think everything is ideal in your miniscule world of work and family? Go into society, dickhead. Maybe you'll learn a few things after being backstabbed.

You claim to be smart, being an asshole to generally everyone you meet. I saw you wipe the shit out of that optometrist at Suntec by bitching about some goddamned receipt. You say you plan for every goddamned thing. Well FUCK YOU. If you're balding and feeling bad, go complain to Mom. No need to do your pms-shit thing to everyone. Me and my sis aint your punching bag. Who gives a shit about your fucking car's wheels making noises? Does that justify you sulking your way around in Suntec? Damn, I was so right to walk right away from you, straight in the face. You don't deserve my company.

Ignore me when I come home? Shit, I'm so thankful for that. If you ever dare to even utter something, I would most likely stalk out of the house. Maybe I haven't done that before, but you know what, I've reached breaking point. Think the PS2 will root me to the house? I'm ready to sleep on the streets. Big fucking deal. Rob me for all I care, murder me, I don't fucking care. Life sucks enough without you bitching me every step I take. Think of the latter.

And for all you know, if you ever read this shit, this is the longest curse letter I ever wrote. You make me sick, asswipe. I've even exhausted my vicious vocabulary this time round. Prepare for a cold war, fucker.

a new horizon 11:34 pm

A beautiful evening of song, and pure brotherhood.
They don't make evenings like this anymore.

Just came home from Beyond Boundaries. A joint concert by HC and CHS's String Ensemble and Band. A night of reunion for 4F. Its wonderful to see every dude back again..be it attached or single, slimmer or even slimmer, or just...there. Its just great. The general happiness of being with my wonderful class still lingers..even after a year or two of separation. We truly rule =D.

So it was a night to be spent together, at the Esplanade. Place of courtship, place of romance. Whatever. Didn't feel like going there, but heck, I guess the brotherhood kinda masked that niggling shitty feeling. It was really fun..remembering teachers' names, and making fun of lilykoon or tszho. And of course, our star violinist, GM Jon :p

His piece was really captivating, I must admit. All the 4F-ers were glaring at his speedy fingers...hahaa nobody gave a hoot about the dumb maestro conductor. Although we didn't actually keep to our promise of calling him by name, instead of nickname...guess we all had a great time. The final farewell to him before he leaves..pretty sad, without knowing when we can meet again together, the class as a whole. But frankly...during the whole performance I was thinking on the many possibilities that could ever happen in my life, which revolves around one singular subject. What if I actually asked her out here...would I miss the fun I had tonight? Would she even come...once again, the trousers of time comes into play.

The next thing is of course, the fact that we're all damn bloody proud of GM. He's probably the first among our class to chu1 ren2 tou2 di4..being able to rub shoulders with world famous musicians. The training is tough, but..being able to captivate and enervate the audience with such finesse in music is very, very admirable. Wish I could do that, although Soiree would be a minor speck compared to GM's stuff.

Now..after the performance, we went to the stage to congragulate GM on a job well done. Met Mrs. Goh, my CT tutor. Of all things...she asked if I was together with her. Or was I ever.

Sigh. That compounded my gloom in the evening. Would the torment ever stop?

Sad stuff aside, we chatted quite long as she was waiting for Mr.Goh to drive her back. Then, met back with 4Fers, and basically became a rowdy crowd around GM, shaking his speedy left hand and giving him pats on the back. GM..if you're readin this, damn, u're bladdy good. Keep training..and never forget 4F! Haa...we passed him the jersey we made...and someone gave him this long daschund dog. Fits =).

I'm tired. I'm also very depressed. Singing on our way back to the MRT station didn't help. I'm off to bed.

a new horizon 12:31 am

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

This is mega unbelievable. I have somehow, nothing left to blog about in my life. Maybe its due to my numbness to emotions, I dunno. I don't give a damned hoot about what she does (or maybe, not that much anymore), and I certainly don't give a bloody hoot about my monotonous life. What does it consist of everyday? Guitaring once I reach home, in futile bid to have a respectable audition trial in front of the teachers this saturday. Song-writing has officially halted in its tracks during March...I do wonder how I'm going to pass the days without getting insane.

Maybe I'm just tired, maybe I'm just burnt out. Monotonous life without a bloody heck for anyone suits me. Thing is, I'm avoiding the topic. So let me. Bring me back to 4F.

a new horizon 10:43 pm

Monday, April 05, 2004

This has got to be the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened this year. So far.

What happens? Tomorrow is QZ's birthday. One of my best buds, in our gang of 6. I've been nagging at myself to grab him a present at a giftshop ever since last week. What did I do? Today I went home to sleep. PIG

So late into the night. 11pm. I have a panic attack. How could I forget? What can I do? Frantic searches within the house revealed a tiny pack of candles, some hair gel, no test-tubes, and a shitheck lack of ideas. Inspiration Inc, where are you?

Super Desperation Move (SDM). I go online. Asked any girl online what to do. That girl happened to be Jaymie. Well..brainstormed and zilch. Nada. Back to Square 1. About to reply to one of her messages when the comm suddenly blacked out...and I brightened up! Eureka! Hope is at hand!

I've this green coaster thingy that kinda hugs the mug. So yeah, I was thinking..

Candle = Wax
Coaster = Shape
Wax into Coaster = Waxplate

Final Product = Tattooified waxplate

Nice idea? Hellyeah. Practical to be finished in 1 hour? Hellno.

Idiots embark on the impossible. I set out to do the unconquerable. Cut out a ring of paper to line the insides to prevent the wax from sticking on to the coaster (smart, ain't I?) Felt accomplished to think of such minor detail. Until I realize how tedious it is melting wax candles one by one. Hell, if only I had a test-tube at home. And keeping the flame on using a lighter is no mean feat. In the heat of the night. No fan. I was doing this with my parents asleep, ignorant of me playing with fire.

Playing with fire...yess...

I tilted the candle upwards, in order to make more wax drip. Cool, smart? Yeah, until it reached the end of the metal prong I was holding. The prong was used to erm, dip into oil and stuff for the altar. So what happens? Vroom. Oil+fire. First black stuff emanated from the prong into the wax. I get a black waxplate. Thats not all. The paper caught fire. I must have held the flamed candle too near the coaster. Now what do I have? A ring of crusted wax-paper. Black crusted wax-paper. Not bad for a first-timer in waxworks, I presume.

I resolve NEVER to forget anyone's birthday present again.

a new horizon 11:54 pm

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Its been days since my last post. I had been busy with guitar. And really, busy. 4 weeks into term2 without even touching a single tutorial. I've gone against my promise to make notes for every subject. I feel like a failure.

Today's been a real helluva nightmare for me. Last night, was trying to find new scores for Jason...Yamaha competition. Then I practised Ji Mo De Ji Jie all through the night for today's auditions. Feel a bit guilty. Maybe I've been putting myself into too many performances...so much that I cant cope anymore. Survived through today, next saturday shall be the very next doomsday.

a new horizon 12:51 am