Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Exhausted..
It was sheer madness at guitar today, what with the training marathon lasting from 3-7pm. SX came over to crash practice and led the guys group in Canon D...pretty cool attempt I must say. Was rather surprised to hear myself actually doing the piece right up till the second page...upon which I tried my best to sightread =D. Learnt a bit on 2 Guitars today...pretty catchy song too! Argh. The Yamaha competition thing's getting on my nerves though..I've now too many guitar songs to learn, too little time, too little energy.
Meh. Lets narrate today. Started off my new pack of BioMedic contact lens. So off i trooped to school, fine and dandy. Until I reached the void deck...the right eye seemed a bit weird. Point sources of light became cylindrical..telltale signs of mismatchment in degree for the lens. Either that, or my astimagtism has just achieved another notch up the blindness ladder. Whatever the case. Bore with the dizziness until I reached school with Mingzhen (a class junior who's recently taken to coming to school as early as me). Upon reaching school, I shot off a sms to mom...asking if there was a mixup of some sort. She replied "L-275, R-250" HECK that gave me a damn fright. My right eye was supposed to be the one screwed with 275 degrees. Dashed off to the toilet and changed contact lens for the eyes. Felt even worse after that. Dizzy.
Maths lecture was okay. Minor migraine here and there, and I thought it was the old pains coming back. Ignored it. Until chem lecture...the lens started to pop out of the eye. The right one. The one eye which I was smattered by a shuttlecock last year, approximately this time of the year. A curse? Heck, I dunno. Hope that my right eye's fine...else I'll be dumped into PES C or E...neither of which I want to be in for my future life...Luckily the eye became fine after that. Else I would have skipped guitar.
Went back to CHS for lunch today after chem lect..had quite a fun time playing basketball for the first time properly this year. No thanks to mr. injured spine. Bleah, my team had fun harrassing QZ whenever he attempts to shoot..=D Shan't elaborate on his score...my head might be next on the platter :D.
CT Period was personal time with the CT! Haa..I think this is the best way to waste CTperiods away...boring and irritating, annoying talks and seminars are absolutely a great turnoff on Wednesdays. We crapped tons about sex education...although half the time the guys were harping on sex. Benedict was damn high today too...often launching into lengthy tirades and speeches about his future life with his intended wife, *ahem*. When Mrs Goh reached the topic on pregnancy, she asked the girls in general...how many babies next time? Shut down my hearing and thinking upon this very point..didn't want to hear anything she said. Pretended to read through my music file in search for the best music piece for our class item in Soiree. Didn't help out in my mood for the entire day though.
Thankfully, my mood lightened up much after that. Met up with SX at the bench just before guitar. Taught Tsunami to the other guitarist classmates for the soiree piece, but she chupped in to mess around too. Taught her a few tricks or so..oh well, just as a friend i suppose. Bah. Dunnah. Been in thought on whether to leave it as such..n' leave all the sorrow behind. Many friends' been telling me to be kinder to myself, giving up the almost impossible pursuit for someone who'll never think about leaving her beloved. Bah. Shall skip depressing details today.
Canon D. Its less depressing anyway. Nah, kidding.
Had to become the "clapper" for the group today, tapping the beat for the guys group. Left with sore hands later. Then, after a while of guitaring in a horrifyingly noisy background, we migrated to Zen garden, under leadership of SX. Saw pris jigging at MAD...haa what a sight :P Didn't know she was that good a dancer. Anyways, girls aside, we kinda set down and drilled our canon d...first page. So much that it was till near perfection =D. Whee. SX was conductor once again...with his strumming. Haa...kinda reminds me of last year's Soiree. Oh well...hope that this year's would be as successful as the previous. With Granada, chances aren't very high.
Funny thing is, its kinda mandatory for the guys to mass-migrate to the canteen for a 10-15 minute break during guitar. This happened last week...and rachel kinda blew up. Luckily I was with Alex at classbench only ;). Well, this week, same thing happened again. I went for a water break at the classbench, and after I came back, the whole bunch of guys were en route to the canteen...and I witnessed rachel coming down to view the sight of the guys leaving. SX must have had a hard time explaining stuff to her...hahaa! Maybe cuz its him being there, rachel didn't seem that angry this time. Phew! Anyways, I returned there first to practice 2 Guitars. Fun~
Oh well, missed out on my nap today. Shall pig out now.
a new
horizon
11:01 pm
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Recently i've been breaking into the guitar world. For once, I started learning Canon D. Wow. Advanced off to 2nd page when actually sat down and started to sightread. Pretty impressive =).
But first, today was exhaustively fun. Kinda oxymoronic to think of it. Once again, somebody got injured in school, and our PE teacher had to send him/her to the hospital. Meaning that we have PE lesson for ourselves...1hour 40 mins of crazy swimming! So we grabbed a polo ball..and dunked into the baby pool for games. Haa...unfortunately I was in nzh's team...else I would have smashed the ball into his face since he's the goalie. Most of the guys were on the opposite team..felt like the captain when I marshalled our defence and offence! Haa..in fact it was such a long time ever since I had so much fun with the class..wonder if we can ever have such long periods of gaming again. Scored a goal with our tactical advance too! Haa...did it help that 3/4 of my team is comprised of girls? =p. Was torpedoing (i'm exaggerating) through defence and offence...with ben hot on my heels everytime. Had to rugby tackle him a few times to grab the poloball too. Phew..not bad for a PES D crippled/paralyzed freak. At least I could match Alex's speed in water =D.
And today had to be the longest day. Who else can last 5 hours and 30 mins of SHEER physics. No breaks, no nothing. Holy hell, Physics Lecture, Physics Tutorial, Physics Practical, Physics Practical Overtime, Physics Remedial. Was half dead during the lecture, let alone the practical. Dumb experiment with magnets pointing north. Apparently anything metal affects the setup. (The tables are lined with metal. Does it help?) Still..physics tutorials are the most fun out of all the subjects..partially cause of the joking and jesting we do during the lesson. The fact that Mdm Chen never blows up also aids my interest here =D. So well...even till the very last remedial lesson...was pretty fun messing around.
Sigh. Tis' such a perfect day. No worries, just play...wish it could last much longer. I won't mind the swimming again, too ;)
a new
horizon
9:44 pm
Monday, March 29, 2004
I'm going to take a break off my life a while...just indulge in mugging for a bit. Books'll definitely keep my mind off...unneccesary thoughts. Besides, theres Soiree coming up. Gotta spam all my songs else Rachel starts chomping off my head. Auditions this Saturday. And my class group aint gotten anything ready. Wish me best of luck.
Oh yeah sx...yeow, haaa nice way of saying give it up =D
and tham, _|_ =D
a new
horizon
10:32 pm
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Why continue to force conversations when you have absolutely nothing to talk about?
Why continue to pursue when you feel great stress when she's around?
Why continue to act happy in front of her, when you're hurting inside?
Wheres my lucky break, my ray of sunlight?
Deep thoughts this morning. All my plans for this relationship seemed so futile, so childish. Maybe I should quit while we're still fine, while I'm not being hated. Something give me that steel gut to endure the pain. Something inflict the amnesia to erase the many memories we've shared together in this very institution...starting from day 1...
A dance that started it all..
a new
horizon
10:37 am
Friday, March 26, 2004
Half Day today. Everybody left school at 12pm. I left school at 10am. Ben left school at 8.40am.
Recently, I've been rather...disillusioned again. Seems that I've been revolving my life around this word lately too...I dunno. Maybe I take things too seriously. Maybe. These few mornings haven't been very great for me, not when our usual crap suddenly died off without a reason. I've no idea...I seem to be losing it again. The feeling of helplessness as we drift away is...crippling. Very crippling. Just sitting in front of her, as both of us look away in awkward silence, thats what happens..
Why so? Been in deep thought about this...it seems that I may be the very one hurting myself in the end. Its all fine and dandy, being able to communicate with her...as a friend. But to over-extend oneself calls for excessive hurt. To hurt both parties. Is this too selfish? I can't think. I can't bear to think.
On a lighter note, went to CMPB for my medical checkup today. 10 stations existed in total. The experience was pretty frustrating...arrived on time at 12.50. Did the initial registrations, then trooped off to have blood tests and urine tests. Shan't comment much on this though :p The neophyte taking blood samples was so incompetent, the gay-sounding expert in drawing blood intervened and finished off the job.
Off to Dentist. The army dentist was ultra clinical in his delivery...rattling off a whole string of codes to his correspondent on the computer...U here, Barker there, Partial somewhere else. Phew. Can't understand what he said...I was in and out of the dentistry chair within 1 minute.
Next, Chest X-ray. Take off your top, pose like a chicken, take a deep breath, rinse, repeat.
Eye checkup. Major problems arose here. The previous shuttlecock incident proved to be a headache for the Eye M.O dudes too. After Ben was done with his turn, the eye M.O was still discussing with his colleague on my case...probably discussing on which PES to allocate me.
*How ah? What you think leh? Wahpiangz...dun liddat lah.*
Off to the big gay room of half nakid men. Ordered to remove shoes at the shoerack...realized my shoe's the only one residing there. Took blood pressure in a mega cool device...insert the hand into the device, and it inflates until your hand turns purple. Measured height and weight...was glad to lose even more weight (300g), but appalled to lose 4 cm. off my height!!!!! Grr.
Took off the shirt, changed into HC PE pants. Proceeded to sit in the waiting room with ben, shivering under the extreme cold. Didn't realize that they provided gowns to people who felt cold...thought it was used for some medical procedure! Spent 2 hours waiting for our turn...which only lasted 5 minutes. What the bloody heck. Before that, we had to go for our ECG (Elecro-cardiogram). Ben kept fidgetting till the doctor was pretty pissed, oh well. The suction pad thingies were itchy, when they're clinging on to your flesh. Sheesh. The procedures for the doctor checkup is irritating. Bah. Maybe I'm not in the mood to blog. Whatever. Took 4-5 hours to finish the crap.
May blog later, super tired.
a new
horizon
8:44 pm
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Great, guitar's mega fuxed up. Canon D is easily fakeable, but not the new song i got recently. Damn. that amounts to i think...4 songs to screw in 1 month? Fark.
Anyways, think I'm getting a bit vulgar in my blogging. Maybe I'm changing into a angry man. I dunno. Anger management seems to be on the list if this goes on. I'm going from normal, sad, skip suicidal, and now i'm goddamn pissed with life. Everything's a mega scam, why suffer cause of scams? Rant all I want, cause I'll never find that salvation within my JC life. Its already down the drain, my CCA life and class life. Academic life shall remain an oxymoron. Descriptive, I am. Hell, I can't stand it any longer. Someone get me out of this shit-hole. Bring me to the next shit-hole of NS. At least they only screw with your body, not with your heart.
I hardly justify whatever I blog. Thats because I realize that I do have to keep true to myself, whatever's on my mind. This might be online, but as what diaries do, they keep your life story, your thoughts, your secrets. Your sufferings, your pain, your celebrations, your glee.
Everything about you lies in what you type. It may be the cheery self I portray in school, I dunno, but somehow the inner feeling of being suppressed continues to dwell. The urge to express oneself, but being unable to, for fear of harming others, for fear of hurting others. Some things, I can never bear to speak about, may appear here once in a fortnight. For everyone's viewing pleasure? Not really, but for my...history. Friends I know of, close ones who happen to stumble upon the site, or those I really trust in may know of the existence of this site. Its tough to live alone, and sometimes its soothing to have someone to confide in. All the problems that seemed so hard to solve would somehow be much easier to handle...be it the 3 categories I've mentioned many times within this blog. All the content within this blog contains my darkest secrets, and yet I proudly lay it out for the entire globe to stumble upon. Hypocritical? Maybe.
Maybe...theres a bit of myself that wishes for some acknowledgement for all I feel, but fear the whiplash that might follow. I wish to be recognized as someone who has feelings, not one rubber-clown of setback absorbance. People come to me when they feel down...but who do I turn to? Whatever my mood, I try to wear a grin on my face when interacting; its only courtesy to do so. Yet, when will it all end?
When I get abused, swore at, poked at, even beaten, what do I do? I laugh it off, or passively ignore them. But still, setbacks have caused many a scar upon my mind, soul, body, and heart. I'm tired, very tired. I may be a laughing person, one with a sunny personality, but never in my years of secondary, tertiary education, has anybody acknowledged that...the sun might not appear everyday.
Call it a moodswing, I dunno. Who said only girls are susceptible to these. Maybe guys have it worse. Can we complain? We get refuted like bullshit when we do. What do we resort to? Fisticuffs? Its not my forte. The only thing we can do is to silently suffer the whippings in our lives. Maybe thats the part of me that wants to be uncaged, through this very blogpage.
But fear...lingers. Would anybody look upon me with different treatment? Would I become an outcast? Would anyone avoid me because of my rants? I can only retort: I am only human. I am undergoing hormonal distress, physical duress. Yet, relationships may be frayed...and I never want that to happen, not with anybody in particular. I'm fine with most of the people I know, and no way am I going to worsen any relationship in order to announce to the world that I'm a lousy whiner. So what if I whine about girls? So what if I complain about academics? It doesn't justify the losing of a friend, or maybe more. Maybe even contact with...some people.
Blogging is indeed dangerous, but I still tread on, lightly if I must, but truthful to only myself. I might not find ways of speaking my mind face-to-face, but at least I can silently assure myself that with the blog, my closest friends know whats on my mind. Maybe they can make life much better for me, I dunno. That leaves it for them to decide. I can merely live my life day by day, a dead man walking.
If you're reading this, thank you. I've stated my bit, its up to you to handle my life.
a new
horizon
7:42 pm
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Today marks exactly 1 month after my trauma with her ambiguous actions. I've recovered, and recovered well, I might add. I'm considerably okay to chat with, and maybe a bit more open now. Great =). Or so I think anyway...
Today was swimming lessons...once again the "beginners" went off to swim on our own, while the intermediates/advanced people started their training regime. Polo was seriously fun though...was a striker this time round with the PE teacher n' xunyu doing triangle attack formation 0.o. Haa...furthermore...the goalie was NZH!!!!!!! Haaa...the sheer ferocity at which I slammed the ball at the goal is pretty scary =D
Th was on the other team though...everytime he tackles, he hugs. I.E vision blocking plus hindered passing of the ball made me gift the opponents many a ball :P. Oh well, lost the game cause of that I suppose. Was too lazy to swim up to midfield to assist Alex the only defender =D. Was heavily guarded by cy too...to the extent of being immobilized by being grabbed. Can't kick off, can I? Ouch.
After that was the downhill part of the day...reading period...physics lectures. Sigh, boring. What else can I say? Anyways, off to practice the guitar...hopefully I can actually come up with something.
a new
horizon
4:47 pm
Monday, March 22, 2004
Whiled my time away after release of school...been trying to mug guitar for the past few hours. Tried out Right here waiting...and although it sounds okayish, somehow it doesn't feel right for a solo piece. Tried to complete that song stuck in my head for a million years, but somehow the tune and lyrics don't match. wtf.
Had my very last nap on my old mattress....its time to bid farewell after 6-7 years of usage. Damned spine needs special mattresses for treatment. Bleah.
Just looked through the class's yahoogroups pictures...and it can't cease to bring back fond memories of J1 life. How everybody changed so drastically within a short year, how ben suddenly shot up in height, how I somehow cut down in weight, how things transmogrified within that 12 months. Pictures of CNY03, Fac Outing 03...STJ n' Pool, Sentosa Outing....sheesh it all comes back to you in a blast. And yet, with such contemplative material, I still can't churn out any ideas. Lord save me.
a new
horizon
11:04 pm
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Post holiday blues caught up already. Realized theres 5 pieces of GP shit to finish before Mrs. PMS shits on all of us. Life seriously sucks. Whats new anyway. I've goddamned auditions in a weeks time, my group member pangsehed me, and I'm stuck alone between the prospect of not doing ANYTHING for soiree, and the prospect of shaming myself in front of the whole guitar soiree exco for not doing anything. Fuck. First day of school, and I'm screwed beyond all recognition.
Oh, before I end off, hey there hungwei...didn't expect you to stumble across. off to fucking do gp.
a new
horizon
10:54 pm
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Spine Error: Nerves frayed.
Critical Hit: Spine. Critical Hit: Axons. Damage Critical.
So ends the trip to the hospital. 3 hours of X-raying, and blood tests. I may have arthritis. I may have fucked nerves. I seriously am too pissed with myself to bother anymore. Why the hell is this all coming back to me? Why now, all together?
Guitar's going down the drain. The lessons I take have became a chore; interest seems to wane at school guitar as well. Why is this so? Wasn't it my passion? Bewildered, I am. Disillusioned, I stay. Even yesterday's guitaring at the beach doesn't seem to rekindle any much interest. I'm still bored. Maybe even tired of guitar. Songs like Canon D or Granada don't appeal to me. Songs played by me sound like tortured mice. Songs written by me are simply too crappy to speak of. Why now?
Seriously, such thoughts have been swirling around ever since who-knows-when. I've somehow numbed them, in one way or another, in hopes of killing off any self-bashing thoughts. Why now? Why resurface now? Now I feel like a heel for trying to break up a couple. I feel like a great big LOSER. I can't let go of what is never meant to be mine, and hang on like a leech. She treats me nice, only as a friend. Then I go and misunderstand it all, bringing harm to both of us, although albeit more on my side. Why am I torturing myself? Never hated myself so much, ever in my life. Damnit. I seriously hate myself.
Setbacks, setbacks, setbacks. Academics, love, body. I've failed them all. I complain, and what do I do about it? No damn thing. I passively sit around and wait for things to happen around me. I slack until the last minute until I flunk every damn block test teachers throw at me. I hermitted from her...the rest is history. I neglected my spine injury for 4 damn weeks. Allowed it to get inflamed, swollen, and yet I still play beach volleyball the day before my checkup. Am I nuts? Fuck. I hate myself.
Tell me, why do I feel so shitted when I see her on her phone chatting away? Why can't I just give up? Can't I just spare a thought for her feelings? Fuck. I damn fucking suck. Loser. Theres nothing to be proud of, my life in JC. Nothing. If theres someone up there watching, please, use a bit more aiming on that lightning bolt. Not on Jurong, on Bukit Batok. I'm not a Chinaman either. Thanks.
a new
horizon
11:00 pm
Friday, March 19, 2004
Life on the beach
Early morning, 9 a.m. Woke up to print some songs to play on the beach. Transferred some songs to the Nomad. Printed extra copies of Something Stupid. Dumb...
Afternoon, 11.30a.m. Rushed to meet the 73 classes (JTS) at Harbourfront MRT. Was 2nd late. Phew. :P
Everyone was waiting already..oh well lugging the guitar made a good excuse to be late :P
Afternoon, 1p.m. Arrived at Palawan beach. Started on our unpacking, met Wei Kiat and his gang there who gopeded 2 benches for us. Ate a few of their prepared food, then whipped out my guitar for a bit of singing. It started to rain though...so wrapped the guitar up nicely, and covered it with the canvas sheets Alvin Soon bought there (wow, his bag was big.) Then somehow, maybe its just seeing everyone having fun at beach volleyball, I just disregarded my spine problem and went in to play. Was doing well until a bunch of tall dark dudes wanted to vs us. Haa so versus match it was, 21 points to win. All the while we were leading...haa yeah I was in the team too! Felt quite great after scoring a few spikes. Yeh! Apparently the 2 painkillers I ate before coming worked...although the spine hurt like nuts when I landed on my left leg really heavily. Still...got praised to be roxy by the volleyball dudes...haaa was pretty happy, although sweaty.
Walked off to 7-11 later on, grabbed a gigantic slurpee to drown out the heat. They got a giant slurpee and a giant big gulp...wow. After that, went back for more songs under the shade. Was burnt to quite a red hue already....then the 73 classes went to soak in the water, playing captains ball. Quite hilarious from a distance, really. Especially when Xavier has to dive for the ball everytime since he's the catcher :P
After the soaking, had to send Liting off to first-aid, cause she was the victim of a jellyfish sting. Yeow. Went to buy my second slurpee of the day, and returned to yeah, more guitaring. Guitared my way till the end of the evening...although at the end it was rather boring. Me sitting on the canvas sheet, staring away. Staring into the horizon, tired and tuckered out by the exhausting day. Later on, waited in the extreme long queue for the bus back to mainland, with alex breathing down my neck in sms-style. We're nearly 2 hours late for JTS, dinner at Pastamania.
Pastamania, 8.30. Met up with alex, lj, ben, kristy, and...nzh. Practically, everyone was shocked to see NZH there. Aw damn. Whatever, felt that I was getting too close to her for comfort, as in yeah, I shouldn't exactly stick to her all day. So drifted off to my gang of close guys, for our free pasta/pizza. Ben went around with a fork, grabbing bites off everyone's plate....but ended up having nearly half his pizza gopeded by us (victims of ben). Haa...sweet revenge. Took a few goofy pictures here and there at Pastamania, somehow the picture of her catching the chocolate pizza dessert that flew off Kristy's plate can't leave my mind :P
So off we trooped to the MRT station for pool...until the juniors suddenly had the urge to take individual photos at Harbourfront centre. The seniors (us) had to wait on the bridge linking the mrt and the shopping mall for nearly 30 minutes...in the end nobody wanted to go for pool. I had to go for my morning spine checkup too...sadly.
Oh well, its rather late, have to zzz in order to get to perfect checkup form tomorrow. Overall an okay day. Holidays are ending. I can sense my life drifting off into the depths of study valley. Sigh.
a new
horizon
10:54 pm
March, month of HeartBreak
This week of holidays have been ups and downs for me. Many ups, and one particular down. Mobi and Alex stayed over for 2 days, had tons of fun playing Sengoku Musou in my room, spending time mindlessly slaughtering monstrous hordes of samurai soldiers. Went out for steamboat buffet with them and Teng Soon at Orchard, poisoning my body with extremely heaty chilli *mala* sauce. Squeezed on the bed with Mobi as we tried to occupy territory in an all-night struggle. And robin suddenly can't make it for Soiree. what the bloody ficking hell.
Reason: Tkd competition clash.
Time: 10-10.
What the heck. Not only does this spell the end of my small group performance...but also the end of what I've planned to do maybe last year back. Why does this have to happen? Am I seriously wrong to pursue this matter? Does Fate decree that I allow such a matter to slip through my hands?
Why...
Can't stop feeling hurt over such a torture...that lasted for nearly a year. Maybe its just me, I dunno. It may be just me inflicting such scars upon myself. It may be just over-thinking, just me lusting over something out of my reach. Ever since my very first attempt at relationships, I've became disillusioned, cynical. And yet, I'm destined to return to that moody self. Why, of all reasons, can't she go? JTS's tomorrow, and th+hh have tried to persuade me to go to Sentosa with reasons like "she's going too.." Yet, I manage to remain expressionless. Hiding my pain.
I dunno...somebody stop this month of madness everyone. Stop..
Shall guitar tomorrow at the beach. Without looking at her. Songs' sound nicer this way.
a new
horizon
1:38 am
Monday, March 15, 2004
Felt as if...I wasted today away. Robin came over with intentions of practising our piece for small group performance at Soiree...but somehow everything went off track. Deposited his guitar at my place and went off to hawker centre for his lunch. Then we went off to Westmall to borrow some books....grr let him borrow some stupid tkd book on my account. Then bought myself 6bucks worth of guitar picks...and off we went to my house.
Kinda boring though. Basically what we did was to discuss our medley of songs. Can't say much. Its that boring. When he left I took a little nap...woke up and saw her online. 0.o. Haa...told her wrong info about the Food Fair being over...guess she didn't go suntec with her *ahem*. Introduced me to this Pristone Tale game...which I seriously think is introduced to her by that... Was thinking if I should join the game and maybe playerkill that loser's arse, but decided not to gek myself seeing her hankypankying online :(. Oh well, its 400megs, the frickin download. Nutty...how did she download for so long :P
Ohyeah, she fuxxing hates me by puddle of mudd rox =).
a new
horizon
10:55 pm
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Went out to Suntec city today, following a certain rumour from *someone* that Xboxes were given free for every 5 Xbox games sold...and that each game cost 10 bucks. Was highly traumatised when I found out that it was all a scam...games were sold at 70 a piece. Equating that, a damn Xbox (unmodded) and 5 games plus an extra controller costs $400. What a turnoff =(
Well, kinda lucky that I didn't specially go to Suntec to buy the Xbox. Maybe I'm just too greedy =). Walked around the Food Fair there (pig...) and bought 10 bucks worth of Nissin cup noodles! Stay-over preparations complete, heh. After that, went wandering around Suntec...saw NZH strolling around drinkin some bubble tea thing. Freaky! Haa...was kinda glad to sms-convy with you for quite some time...hope you didn't think I was wasting any of ur smses! :p Was even scolded by dad for not paying attention to the exhibition and replying to you...kinda broke our sms-conv. record after you got attached yeah =)
After the exhibition was a day of shopping spree madness!!! I spent over 400 bucks on myself today...thanks to dad for sponsoring! Went to YES! Optical to get my new set of contact lens...the current set is simply too drying for ze eyes. The optometrist there is simply TOO DAMN PRO ( and too damn chio as well! ). Damn professional lah...and not as clinical as those idiotic GPs around who just want to get their arses off the clinic chair and knock off. First time an optometrist called me by the name. Wow. Then she went on to measure the curvature of the cornea...oxygen content of the eyes...wow that didn't even happen when I first bought my set of contacts...the dude at the counter just plonked 2 boxes of Seequence (sucky contacts) on the table and said there, 250 degree left, 275 degree right. Pay me 120bucks. The service charge must be mega high though...the cost of a year's supply of BioMedic 38 cost me $144 (after 20% discount, Yeowch!).
After that, we went around to Harvey Norman. Bought myself a electric shaver that cost $139. Spendthrift eh =D. Can't stand having shaving pimples after every night's shave. Haa...with that done, we drove off to People's Park Centre...to our family optometrist (yeah, that dude at the counter). Had to change my specs cause the lens were so scratched, you can't even see through it without squinting. In the end, bought a $150 frameless frame (oxymoron). My degrees didn't change! Haa...must be thanks to the contact lenses.
Back at dinner in MacDonalds (I detest them, but darn, no BK in the region.), dad kinda questioned me about my career paths again...and its pretty distressing when you notice that he's trying to steer you into conforming to what every tom dick and harry in the world's pursuing. Medicine. Its driving me nutty...the more he rants about me going into the mysterious field of DNA, the more I hate it. But...the other career paths I wish to pursue aren't possibly as "lucrative" as the demand for bioresearchers. Paths like a guitarist. Paths like a computer graphics animator. Kinda spoiled my day then...
And of course, the same thoughts keep drifting around. Lyrics seem to form and break within my head every minute...and my Nomad ran out of battery halfway through the day. Shit.
a new
horizon
9:45 pm
Saturday, March 13, 2004
The end of BT1
It's finally here!!! Haa...never felt so released before (or maybe I had, bah.) After the final collection of the Bio paper, everyone went bonkers =D. Yeah, Bio paper sure was funny with that question Mrs Goh promised ben...
"Benedict woke up with a jolt. He realized that he was late for school and jumped to his feet. Suddenly, he felt faint. However, after a while, he was okay again." Why did Benedict feel faint, and why was he okay after a while?
After bio, half the class went to liangjun's place for his birthday bash. Ben and I originally promised a poling session for him...but I guess we let it pass for the time being. One thing I shant forget to emphasize. LJ's place is big.
Heck, the whole time there was spent on mahjonging! We set up 2 tables and everyone just "swam" all the way till night. Of course, I had to persuade and drag mobi all the way from angmokio to lj's place with alex...cause he's the enlightened one with the PS2 =D. Initially had a few fights on the PS2 with the guys in Matrix Reloaded (the epic battle of the sewing woman vs the janitor), but consequently, we persuaded Mobi to pick up the necessary skills for mahjonging. Haa...it was fun though, won my highest win of 6 fan (a.k.a 64 bucks from everyone). Too bad we ain't playing money.
After that, I evacuated my seat for Mobi...to sit just before him. Damn, must be the fengshui or something. He actually won consecutively 3 rounds...all damn big tai somemore. 6 fan, 5 fan, and 3 fan. Bleah. Won around 100 bucks from everyone. :(
Now on the way back home, I was pondering if I should go for today's NUS open house with yuwei n' cy. Had kinda an internal fight between interest..and future studies. Guitar vs NUS. Guitar never got near the winner's medal. Bleah. Sorry robin...guess we can practice Hotel California n' Love me some other time =).
So yeah, 1045 to meet at Clementi MRT station. Was still considering if I should go with the girls...cause I would be very damn extra...only guy among the girls. Bah, whatever. Woke up at 930, got ready and left the house at 1015. The girls messaged me to say they were at Jurong at 1030, waiting for me at the end of the train....and I replied I'll "immediately" leave the house. In 5mins time I reached the station and was strolling towards the other end of the train. (damn, wrong end). Haa...their shocked expressions were unforgettable...guess they couldn't believe I could travel in such a short period of time =).
Arrived at Clementi bus interchange in 10 minutes time...had a boring time waiting for the extremely long queue there for bus 96 to shorten. Couldn't help feeling left out..and a bit weird.
Upon reaching NUS we walked around the exhibition hall...it was kinda boring and small for a campus so big, really. Was attacked left right centre by people trying to recruit us into their respective halls and to write our names down...Haa chewy got to be the baddie for turning down everybody...guess they didn't dare to approach me due to my aggresive-looking face =)
The science medicine talk at the pathetically small lecture hall was pretty bad...we were situated at the back of the hall cause we arrived kinda late...or that many other people actually squeezed past us. Can't shove and push....might spoil my reputation in front of the girls see :P. In the end I was the only one who could see the slides...the cy n' yuwei had to stand on the ledge to see the headings.
Left the hall halfway cause of the girls being bored of inability to see the presentation. As we were walking out of the main campus, met up with QZ my 4F gang. Haa...sorry guys, had to pangseh a bit cuz...you know...you can't leave 2 girls who asked you out right? *wink*. Did a few running errands for the girls in getting the bags before leaving for lunch with them. Destination West Mall.
Ate at the foodcourt there, although the food was kinda meagre. Left early to wash face @ my house..then met up with qz and gang at suntec. Walked around the UK fair...grabbed a few brochures and got talked up by a few angmoh dudes. Cant say it was too happening...the whole hall was kinda empty and desolate.
Today was relatively "fun"? Heck, shan't think too much.
a new
horizon
8:53 pm
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Shoot. I'm seriously a 4F-er. Its all gonna be all Fs or Us. Physics was HORRENDOUSLY DONE. The section B was so crappy, I opened the booklet to find myself skipping past all the 5 questions in 5 minutes. Shit. I'm so damn screwed. Argh. Lets just get this over and done with. Mark this as the end of a part of a painful and torturous test. Ole Bio!
After that....open the gates. Release the stress....its time to Parrrtaaayy!!!
a new
horizon
3:04 pm
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Dance like nobody's watching
Blog like nobody's reading
Love like you've never been hurt before
Haa. Some random thoughts. Composition on the guitar's working fine here...I've reached the first verse already =D
Continue? 0...Game Over
That's right. Physics is game over-ed. I started studying at 7pm. Didn't even have my mind on studying though. Was grabbing the guitar halfway through Electric Field. Can't even remember a damn formula. Damn damn damn damn. I'm so dead. It must have been the chem paper today. Everyone's complaining its plunging them down the F valley. Crap. Its highly likely that I join the F4 club this time round. Broke down during the last 10 minutes and refused to do the essay questions due to lack of stamina and the fact that I remember all the damn tests but forgot the reagents and conditions required for it. Fork.
Physics...ganbatte!!!
a new
horizon
11:49 pm
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
SHE F*CKING HATES ME!!!
Haa..sorry launching into a bit of insanity after chemistry revision. Back to ionic equilibria. Anyway the above title's a nice song =D
a new
horizon
9:41 pm
I am so dead
Math is such a damn killer paper. I strolled in happy and confident.
I left a broken and demolished man.
Argh. How could I forget how to differentiate sine inverse!!!!! The continuous integration questions drained my stamina so much....my mind was in a blank for the rest of the paper! A definite F for the paper....and it was the paper I put most of my studying time into. I'm done for. I better work for chem now...organic chemistry's a tough biggie. Wish me luck!!!
a new
horizon
3:38 pm
Monday, March 08, 2004
Oh yes, before I forget yesterday. Thanks for that sms. That really made my day. Maybe I should have kept my doors open...
a new
horizon
9:06 pm
"In the long run, tourism is detrimental to a country's well-being." Discuss.
What a damned Social Studies topic. Rattled off everything Nancy Tay drilled into me...what with pseudo cultures and increasing standard of living. Blarh. I hope i didn't write off the point =D.
Just my luck today...am drenched through after running through the rain. Theres this tiny area between the school gate to the bus stop that isn't sheltered...and I had to run through that to reach the bus-stop. Fine, was waiting for my bus until I realized I forgot to take my foolscap pad. Bleah. Called Moby to grab it for me from the classroom, and was asked to return to school to grab it. Fook Mi.
So there I went again, across that rainy area. Twice as drenched already. Phyllis was at the bus stop with her friend...think they were a bit bemused to see me running to and fro in the rain area. After grabbing the stuff, returned to the bus stop (yes, another drenching). Didn't notice that Phyllis and her friend were still there. When 852 came, went to the front to board...and when they noticed me I guess they were a bit shocked :P
Haa. Maybe i'm just hydrophilic. I dropped my 40bucks earphones into a puddle of water while running around school. Ran cause of Benedict who forgot his Integration notes were with Moby and thus went to photocopy it from me. Fook Yu.
Damn. What a wet, wet, wet day. Can't get any damper. Off to bathe and enjoy my sushi~
a new
horizon
12:56 pm
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Its 1 day until the start of BT1, and I somehow don't feel the anxiety to study or mug. I've been slacking off these 2 weeks, in fact, to the extent of only revising for 1 subject. Its been so bad that I've been sleeping through the whole of the morning. Do I still have it in me? Damn, I hope so.
GP tomorrow anyways. If I still have the energy, I might read up some sample essays later. Who knows, they might come in handy, just like the times in CHS =D.
a new
horizon
5:40 pm
Saturday, March 06, 2004
Sheesh...the medicine I'm taking for my face is backfiring again. Outbreaks of horrid pimples...Gah. To think that each pill costs 10bucks, and each tiny pill has a chance of screwing up your liver and kidneys.
Somehow the sense of achievement lingers on today. Learnt how to play To Grow Old with You under 10 minutes (Whee!). Maybe I'll play it for my girl someday. Not only that, I finally finished Maths revision! I now understand the mysteries behind integration...and the great black hole that existed since J1 on this topic somehow vanished overnight. Yay!
And of course, the spine's feeling much better with those painkillers. Great day.
Heh, not forgetting that futile attempt to talk to you on MSN in the morning. Ouch...you never replied with that zest and enthutiasm that was unique to you in J1. Oh well, maybe you're just tired. Haa. Silly me. I felt as if I was talking to a wall. Better off not engaging in conversation in such circumstances...even better to leave it as such. Its not going to give me much...
On a lighter note, told qz abt my blog. It kinda sucks when you're blogging alone without your buds.
a new
horizon
10:15 pm
Haa....surfin blogskin and found quite a cool skin. Well, at least its much better than blogspot's archived template. Shall survive with this until I make my very own.
Crap, didn't realize the time. Off to bed.
a new
horizon
12:05 am
Friday, March 05, 2004
Heh, yet another day when I brought my guitar to school when theres no practice. Had quite some fun practicing Love Me, and a few other songs requested by certain classmates. A mega-slacker day again, what with the huge ruckus of J3s coming back for their A'level results. Woke up today with the spine-ache...it hurt seriously that bad...that I couldn't even walk without wincing. Ouch.
Ackpth, but I still crawled out of bed early. Just to talk to you...
Reached the interchange just in time, while hobbling to the berth, saw the bus light up. Tried to hobble as fast as possible to the berth. Just as I reached there, the familiar "beep-beep" of a bus in reverse gear set in. Damn. Had to wait 10 minutes for another 852. Reached school at 6.40am. Kinda surprised that you ain't there yet. Haa... must be cause of the jam. Hehe...somehow I kinda influenced many people to learn the guitar....half the girls in my class are kinda swayed to play the guitar....even the left-handers =D.
Physics Lect. 'Nuff said.
Tutorials. Math - I think I slacked off during this tutorial. In fact, this was one of the times I was actually "unconscious" of my surroundings. Lost in my world of dreams, perhaps.
Chem - A raving choo-choo train of spamming tutorial questions. We completed Group2 elements tutorial in a whole darmn period. Wow.
Break, Guitar. Love me.
Bio tut - Checked test answers, failed horribly. Makes me wonder how the seniors could actually have at least a 85% A grade for Bio. Stressssss
Maths Lect next, Jerry Chai still ranking top and most loved teacher of all in HCJC. Not only does his curtain of hair never fail to impress, his wicked sense of humour has aided in augmenting his role as a Ah-Beng teacher. Sheesh. I kinda envy him. Then again, he seems a damn sad bloke. HCJC graduate, teacher, old, single, poor. Maybe we shall be on the same boat someday...
Ohyeah, he released us half a period early. Whee. More guitaring =D
Met up with Shaoxuan during this extra long break. Did La Cumparsita, although both of us seemed rusty. Didn't touch the piece since who knows when =D. Damn, the song he sang for Soiree last year is good...0.o
Oh yeah, during one of the tutorials, I passed back Yuwei 2 of the nail files she bought for me. Seemed to spark off a whole series of nail-examining, filing, and inter-girl manicuring in the class. Holy. Shall not mention that they were comparing their nails with mine.
If only Block tests weren't here, I wouldn't be frowning now.
Ohyes, before I forget, congrats to SX! Haaa....no mean feat on that crazy result for A's. Keep alive, scholarships' abound! *Envious*
a new
horizon
5:12 pm
Thursday, March 04, 2004
a new
horizon
11:15 pm
My spine seriously stinkingly hurts like nobody's business. I'm off to NUH for serious diagnosis on 20th March. Pray hard that either I am crippled for life, or I get well in 6 days time.
I just wanna live like a normal person. Excluding emotions, of course.
Progress
Maths - Integration
Chemistry - Nowhere
Physics - Nowhere
Biology - DNA
a new
horizon
10:38 pm
Wow. For the first time in my JC life, I arrived home as early as a normal CHS boy. Right home 2.00pm on the dot. Impressive ^-^. Luckily there wasn't any bio practical today, courtesy of slacking efforts of Anna Goh. Brought my guitar to school today to play during the 3 supposed breaks, but it turned out that I only had 2. Oh well.
Daybreak. Class Bench. Me. You came late. Followed by Ben. Nothing to speak about. Took out guitar, sat on ground, started practising my songs. Did a few runs of Love me, until you poked in. Ji Mo De Ji Jie. Assembly.
Physics Break. Guys at chapteh. Took out guitar, did a few renditions of Xiang Yu Tai Zao, Bie Sha Le, Ji mo de Ji Jie. Taught the 3 of you how to play the guitar....unorthodoxically :P. Quite a humourous sight, seeing you fret while constance barred, and phyllis "pluck+strummed". Apparently you 3 work even better on the guitar than me and robin =D
GP. Blasted Marie-Anne Goh made us watch a tape on Utopia governments. Bleah. Half the class fell asleep, mainly the girls. The guys were left shivering in the cold, with M-A-G staring down our backs. LiangJun pilfered the guitar and was trying to impress Hh. Bleah. Had to allow him some time before I sneaked off. Got praised for my guitar skills by Kristy though =D.
.
a new
horizon
2:24 pm
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
You had to do this, didn't you? On the same day last week, you caused me grievous hurt. This morning, you tried to do so again. Why do you do this? Why show me such meaninglessly painful messages in the morning, knowing that they apply so much to my feelings? You may feel that its meaningful. You may feel that you're romantic in writing such words. But you are needlessly, almost innocently, hurting me.
"The most painful thing in the world, is standing beside her and knowing that you can never be with her."
-Class Diary entry, realized by me only this morning.
Only this time, books keep me sane.
And sometimes, I seriously wonder if you're toying me around. Don't.
a new
horizon
8:07 pm
Monday, March 01, 2004
Block Tests arriving.
Life departing
Am currently working on the computer to form notes for DNA. Kinda impressed at my discipline though =D. Started the week right after all, no more random thoughts, no more problems. Shelved them back, left them there. The books shall be my only embrace for the time being.
Tutorial-day today, and since slacker me didn't do any work last week, naturally, I had to avoid detection by teachers for not doing tutorials. Hell, my evasion techniques are world-class. Managed to stay awake throughout Chemistry lecture on carbonyl compounds, with MobY drawing more cartoons on my lecture notes. Of all things, he had to draw a inebriated lovesick creature. Ha.
Of course, how can I forget. Happy Birthday, Alex! =D Hope you truly enjoy the 2 cans of Kilkenny the girls bought for you...and the special attention everyone gave you today! Haa, damn, now you can legally pub/bar, and I still have to fake my way in. Oh well, you better treat me nxt time!
Been thinking...NOT! :P I'll be delving back into the depths of DNA. Block tests, bring it on!
a new
horizon
9:41 pm