Sunday, February 29, 2004

Lord, just finished a mass-crapping session with 4F. Unbelievably, it feels good to swear it out with my secondary school mates after a week of hell. Thank you guys, you guys f**king make my life worthwhile. Thanks for getting my mind off this week, I shall continue on, reborn.

4Forever

a new horizon 10:25 pm

You rend my heart. I hate you.
You cheated my soul. I hate you.
You haunt my mind. I hate you.
You toy my presence. I hate you.
I'll hate you as long as you live,
if I was a mad chicken running amok in China.

*bid to recover from the fall--self mockery*

a new horizon 4:18 pm

Saturday, February 28, 2004

I end off my week of troubles.

In just 5 days, I had fallen back into the valley of love, nearly drowned in the lake of sorrow, and scaled the cliff of redemption.

Game over, girl.

I realize my folly. A tease, a friendly gesture, has turned me into a demented Heartless. How much worse can I fare? Loser. For now, I'll shelve these feelings back where they belong. Until then, remain only a friend. Until then....

a new horizon 2:27 pm

Friday, February 27, 2004

Release of O'level Results

Juniors running amok in school, hugging their last goodbyes, praying in anxiety. After GP, my junior sms'ed to inform that all of the juniors should be able to stay. Was kinda happy for them...till something struck me.

Why didn't I think of it at all? Maybe she was just worried for his results?

Afterall, she did rush off immediately after class. Didn't even see her at the bus stop even though I left a bit later. Foolish me. Shall blog later. This might prove too overpowering again.

a new horizon 4:24 pm

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Unusually contemplative tonight...just came out of the bath. My parents started to ask me if there was anything wrong with me...cause they realized I've been going to school extremely early these days. Yeah, so as to sit down and try to talk to her in private. But how can I tell them such things?

This is when I realized I'm wearing millions of masks. Everyday, in and out, at home or at school, I'm forced to don a smiley, comical character. I have to be endure criticisms, sarcasm, teases, jibes aimed at me from my fellow classmates, of which some have started to tease me about ... . What can I do?

Out of class, I have to don a mask of wackiness. Why? To adhere to my previous character during secondary school. A clown, a joker. The butt of everybody's jokes, the one who spouts random nonsense. What can I do?

At home, I have to don a mask of immense strength. My parents have placed great hopes on me, and yet they fear for me breaking down. The truth is, I feel that I already am. The happy, cheerful self of mine from the end of last year has already disintegrated. I am no more the Jiaho everyone saw this January either. Banished thoughts from last year's pain popped up overnight. My studies, I feel, are starting to go downhill. What can I do?

The truth is, behind the masks, lies a forlorn, nameless character. Do I feel as if I exaggerate my current situation? Yes. But deep inside, that is how I feel. To keep up with others' expectation, to subject to others' mould of you.

What can I do? I'm only human.

a new horizon 9:16 pm

Life is a Rollercoaster, by Ronan Keating

Hey baby you really
Got my tail in a spin
Hey baby I don't even
Know where to begin
But baby I got one thing
I want you to know
Wherever you go tell me
'Cause I'm gonna go

We found love,
So don't hide it
Life is a rollercoaster,
Just gotta ride it
I need you,
So stop hiding
Our love is a mystery
Girl, let's get beside it

Hey baby, you really
Got me flying tonight
Hey sugar, you almost
Got us punched in a fight
(That's all right)
And baby you know one
Thing I gotta know
Wherever you go, tell me
'Cause I'm gonna show

Can't you feel my heart?
Can't you feel my heart?
Can't you take my heart?


Life is a rollercoaster. And I can't take it any much more..it has gone up, and down again today. I can only pray that tomorrow brings about a peak. Please, don't feel down. My life is determined by that smile. Well, sorta. I just can't enjoy myself much with that troubled frown stained on your innocent face. I may not be talking much to you, but deep inside, I do care.

All these, hang on that innocent little Skittles packet you gave me. Why?
A signal, a hint, an obvious hint!...or is it too much to ask?

a new horizon 7:26 pm

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

A confusing day.

The Walk

I walked with you in the dawnlight.
Step by step, question to question.
You answered them, smiling.
I took them heavily, frowning.
Confusion.

The Thoughts

You smiled happily throughout the day,
Depression seemed so far away.
A far cry from your deflated self,
You lift my spirits high, high...high.

And yet a great questionmark remains,
over whether to go ahead.
Your answers, ambiguous;
My resolve, shattered.
I yearn to advance, to hold your hand,
But one question remains; Can I be that man?
For the shadow of the predecessor lingers,
or is he even a shadow at all?

Give me strength, don't undermine.
Allow me to move on with you, never to falter.
Not to repeat my mistakes, not to undergo pain again.
Give me a sign, a gesture, a signal.
Tell me if I have a chance, tell me if I should go on.
Or if He's still in your heart, let me know.
For you've always remained in mine.

a new horizon 10:27 pm

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Oh my god. The days just get...more interesting by the minute.

Let me take a deep breath. On to the less interesting stuff...before I delve into today.

Maths Tut: Wasted time slacking/talking. Did a few integration questions. Felt a bit gratified. Was kinda proud of myself that I actually could do those questions. Wow. After all, I really do suck in integration. Didn't even do one of those tutorials either.

Chem Tut: Listened to Rudy Lee talk about the descriptive aspects of Electrolysis. Was unfortunate enough to be called up to the board to show my "answer". Thought I was supposed to do part (a), so just grabbed Alex's paper and went up confidently. Was shocked to realize that I was supposed to do part (b). Alex didn't. Had to sheepishly ask QZ for his paper and spam write all his stuff on the board. NeoZheHan had the damn audacity to question qz's answer...
"The significant figures wrong!!!" Everyone seriously were going __ u nzh.

Break: The guys abandoned the girls to comb their hair and rushed to the CHS canteen for lunch. Ate frm Green Plate Uncle....kinda miss his stuff. After lunch, we were 5 mins late. Stalked through the sweltering heat back to the classroom.

GP/Reading Period: Shit this is where it started to go really mad. GP tutor Marie Anne Goh was as usual, PMSish. Really not kbkb me when I entered the classroom. Bladdy heck someday I'm going to go ballistic and throw her off the clocktower. She's SERIOUSLY pissing everybody off with her "You can't argue with me cause I'm a better speaker than you Ha ha" attitude. __

5 Periods of Pure Physics: Now this is where I thought it went...majorly odd. Once again, was situated below the girls for Physics lecture. Thomas again, droning on and on and on and on. And on and on. Me and ben fell asleep...until I realized the girls had tattooed on ben's neck a pink heart. Scared me somehow. Yuwei tried to take my pic while I was sleeping....luckily I woke up in time.

So on to Physics tutorial. The guys sat in 1 line before the girls again, and CY + yuwei were located behind. Okay, so we were crapping once again...until CY started to scribble some stuff on her pack of already-exhausted Skittles and showed it to me. Told her the chinese handwriting is horrigible. Was told she wrote it using her right hand. Wanted to throw it away, but got scolded by her... Crap. Now I'm in a horrible dilemma. Was working through Physics practical in a daze. The skittles packet's still in my swimming shoebag. Seriously, I dunno what she's trying to say...or was it a hint after all?

Argh. What in the world is she saying? I'm damn confused. Lord save me. I don't wanna drop into that valley of pain and screwups again. Dilemma. I shan't sleep tonight again.

a new horizon 4:19 pm

Monday, February 23, 2004

Omg. Saw this off the net...Remember the days of the Li Bai!

(Chinese Version)

Chuang qian ming yue guang
Yi shi di shang shuang
Ju tou wang ming yue
Di tou shi gu xiang

(English Version)

The moon light is pouring down on my bedside
Like white frost spreading on the ground
I look up the bright round moon in the sky
And lower my head thinking of my dear hometown

(Singlish (Phua Chu Kang) Version)

Bedfront Moon Bright Bright
Think Is Floor White White
Lift Head See Moon Moon
Bow Head Miss Home Home...

(Ah-Beng Version)

Bedfront Orr Pi Sai (pick nose)
Think Think Go Pang Sai
Pick Up Tai Gor Tai (handphone)
BS While Lau Sai

(Latest Reservist Army Version)

Bedfront Lau Bark Sai (tears drop)
Thinking About Exercise(reservist mobilization)
Drop Dead Look Into The Sky (run until no breath)
Tong Kor Sia Lang Zai? (my heartache nobody knows)

(Osama version)

No friend at my side
Think think Bush will fight
Lift head but where to hide?
This time don't know when will die ?

(Bush version)

Can't sleep since that night
Think think where he hide ?
Bomb bomb friends will say I pai
No choice ask them go fly kite

a new horizon 11:08 pm

Yawn. 15 days odd to Block Tests, and I'm still slacking off on the computer. Today wasn't really very great...my new haircut got criticized by nearly everyone in school...except a few girls who couldn't bear to make me cry =p. Faked my way through Bio tutorial by sayin that I done my tutorial...when I only done 2 questions during the tutorial before. Unfortunately I tore my O1 file while fidgeting around answering the question...now I have no file to carry around. Sheesh.

a new horizon 5:12 pm

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Try this one now... Its much harder =D

a new horizon 9:54 pm

Woke up extremely early this morning to check the computer for reports on soccernet. After the initial happiness, returned to bed for a short nap. Today started off on a rather depressing note, with a sad conversation with robin...it kinda set me thinking on my goals and direction. After all, I'm already a J2. second year. on my way to A'levels and NS already. Should I actually devote time into extraneous (or is it?) relationships?

Anyways. I couldn't get myself into the books after the entire conversation...call me emotional, sentimental, stupid. Whatever. I wasted my entire weekend on the guitar again, trying to complete that song I started when walking home from school. Oh well. Bracing myself for big scoldings galore when I get back to school....afterall, Monday is the mass-tutorial day. I'll see every tutor and tell them I didnt do my work. Jeez. I'm hopeless.

"If we were made to be robots in academics, we wouldn't have been given hormones." -Anon

a new horizon 7:20 pm

Yeeehaa!!! Arsenal cruises to yet another 2-1 victory over Chelsea! My joy is doubled by Man Utd drawing with Leeds...Woooooohooooooooooooo! =D

a new horizon 12:03 am

Saturday, February 21, 2004

Yeow, was too tired to blog last night...was waiting for dad to finish using the comm and unknowingly fell asleep with my guitar in my embrace.

Yesterday was rather.......boring. During physics, the lecturer (Mr. Thomas!!) was droning on and on and on abt EMI...until he made a speaker using 2 Ribena paper cups! Way cool...it could even play mp3s and music cds =D. Intruiging. Luckily CY prodded me awake...else I would miss tt scene too ;). Oh well, will try to make that after I understand the concepts of EMI!

I kinda hate Fridays. Other classes end off super early every day, but my time table's so screwed, I end off at around 5 cause of excessive breaks. Which dumb class has 4-5 breaks on 1 day!? After GP I was so totally buggered...and everybody decided to quit off going Dramafeste. So yeah, since everyone's not going...decided against going too. Good luck for S7 tonight, fellas =)

After that, Alex n' Moby n' LJ came over to slack until LJ's time's up for dramafeste. Played Mechwarrior 4 and Worms 3D...haa won LJ n' Alex in worms 3d cause I managed to stay in the highest island when the water level started to rise. Thank gawd theres a flower and theres teleport. All 3 of us were trying to hit each other...and it ended up with nearly half of our shots going into the water. Sad.

Bleah, now gonna go guitar a bit. Granada sounds horribly boring...not to forget that I had to teach a bunch of J1s that song today. B-O-R-E-D.

a new horizon 1:44 pm

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Check this out!
See how long you take...I took 20mins! =)

a new horizon 9:56 pm

Wahh...today damn shag lah. Although there was a double break today, the lessons were ultra -_-. Bio lecture was Mrs. Foo, so it wasnt that bad...although she was rushing through everything like a "choo-choo train" ;). Can't say that things have been exciting...went to play badminton with the guys on an injured left knee though. Suicidal.

Anyways, we finished our Bio practical 2 periods early. Arrived at the hall at 3pm...only to see the PE teacher chase us away from using the hall as he had afternoon p.e....which was badminton. So our class simply slacked our time out until 5pm at the hall...trying to come up with evil ways of occupying 2 courts for ourselves, as always ;). Had quite a huge row over it with a few PRCs waiting for it too...it did seem a bit evil, but hey, we aren't going to play badminton for 3 weeks thanks to volleyball...so its imperative that we play our hearts out today, ya? =)

Anyways, we ended up with one court...and started to play matches. Wasn't on good form today...maybe its cause of the knee, I dunno. :/ I ended up missing all the easy shots...up to the point when I was sitting out after every round and being everyone's punching bag. Bleah. Its only after majority of the girls left that I started to warm up and get my form back...maybe it is due to girl pressure? Nah. not sure. Maybe its just my engine getting rusty. When I got back into form...I became a shooting target for everyone from our class! Got smacked on the head, torso, butt, shoulders....endless! Ugh. Even got hit by a rebounded volleyball/polo ball on the face while fooling around with Benedict. After all, such injuries do remind me of that...particular accident last year. Unpleasant, and definitely not worth mentioning...highly embarrassing =).

Hrm. After that the few of the guys went to coro for dinner....was kinda disgusted to find a worm in my rice at Ke Ai Ji...but was too pooped out to niao the owner. Besides, I did bring up a great bottle of Sprite Ice to openly declare that I'm off their carbohydrate-rich drinks. Talked tons of crap...complained abt MacDonalds, complained abt badminton, complained about the day, then crapped about Ben's relationship...haa was kinda fun. On the way home, had to abandon ben on the bus by sitting down at the adjacent seat, leavin him standing stranded =) Haa...well, tried to sleep then, but in the end I found myself daydreaming about....again.

Lyrics for a new song? I wonder...

请你让我有个希望
千万别让我热泪盈眶
别抛弃我如此迷妄
小路乱闯希望打进你的心房

a new horizon 9:33 pm

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Okay, so that was just plain stupid. I went to school to grab my PW results, or rather, comments during the CT period, and it ended up to be a Total Defence day thingy...got the results though. Can't say my PW rox, just appeasing enough to get a pass grade I suppose. So tianhan was chairing the session since our CT was absent...and it was kinda hilarious, the way held the Total Defence Quiz. Afterwhich...was the dumb fire drill. Apparently the school thought that having a fire drill in such horrible weather would be useful...but Noooooo the field was dusty with everyone trampling around, and I could even see people lugging their bags to the class benches while the drill was one. Hell, even people left the college during the drill.

Verdict: I went to school for nothing. Maybe guitar?

Nah. not guitar. Slacked my way through the whole of guitar, didn't even learn Canon D at all. Spent my time teaching Huihong n' Yuwei how to play the different songs in my songbook, n' slacking in the canteen, or hobbling around laughin at the d00ds at TKD. (forgive me, i hate tkd cuz of my neglected childhood )

The leg's feeling much better now, can hobble less, walk more =)

a new horizon 6:38 pm

Just came back from chinese doctor...the knee injury I sustained yesterday blossomed into a great pain...until the extent of being unable to walk. Skipped half of school, will hobble off for CT period as well as guitar later on. Got a day's MC and a whole week's excuse from PE...heheh :P

a new horizon 11:20 am

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Argh...just came back frm school n' smashed my knee on the dumb bedstand. Bruise galore. Shall take this time to blog while i'm hurtin on the chair.

Today had swimming lessons for pe. Can't say much bout it...just that seein the class girls in swimming costumes was kinda new breath of fresh air ;) Overall just tried out new strokes here and there, while trying my best not to drink water. The teacher even tried to make me do demonstration. bad choice there. ever seen a fish out of water? i looked like that, scaled 10 times worse. Half the class (girls) didn't swim. bah realized tt girls can easily evade such things they dont wanna do. just state "cramps" and any male pe teacher would freak out and look away. towards the guys who really have illnesses. sigh.

Afterwhich...was the 6 lessons of continuous physics!!! the lecture was horribly boring... can't imagine how I could stay awake then. chiewyi n' yuwei were trying to highlight/gel ben's hair, while i tried to keep out of the fray :P Even eugene was doing math vectors tutorial while mr. thomas was lecturing!!! sheesh...i guess everybody switched off after swimming. later on had a crazy physics lab session...potentiometers sure are irritating! I could get 3 different sets of readings which ended up looking more like a curve than a straight line when plotted. Oh well, since everyone got nearly the same, I just settled for a "Good Fit" line =)

After sch went to do a bit of pullups larh. waited at hall for ben for so darn long...think I saw priscilla n' her class at afternoon pe. afterwhich, i managed to do a few fake pullups =p. Hope I can improve soon though.

a new horizon 4:42 pm

Monday, February 16, 2004

mehh...just woke up from a horrible nightmare. Dreamt that this blog was found by my closest friends, and became a pathetic outcast from the group. lets hope this would nvr happen.

on a lighter note, 30 more words for pathetic word list =)

a new horizon 8:30 pm

testing...one, two three

a new horizon 5:23 pm